starsquigglystar

24,041,830

2010-03-31T22:03:00.004-04:00

as of right now, that's how many hits the ladies g and b have got on the telephone telenovela.

that's 50,000 more since this morning alone.

go go gadget gaga!!!

fave parts:

1. sunglasses made from burning cigarettes
2. the shimmy shimmy shake when she gets bailed out of jail
3. multilingual captions

and so much more.

mail order bride anyone?

2010-03-26T16:43:00.002-04:00

we can all appreciate some good spam. here's a good one via skype, just in time for the weekend:

dreamsy002 says: European and American women are too arrogant for you? Are you looking for a sweet lady that will be caring and understanding? Then you came to the right place- here you can find a Russian lady that will love you with all her heart. Can't find a queen to rule your heart? How about beautiful Russian ladies that have royal blood and royal look? Here you can find hundreds of portfolios of these fine women of any age for every taste. Please excuse us if you are not interested.
Beautiful Russian ladies - http://dreams-lady.com/

spammers with manners!

you should be ashamed you cold arrogant american ladies. at least your men have somewhere to turn now.

the sea is just a wetter version of the skies

2010-03-22T14:39:00.002-04:00

currently listening/loving:

love regina spektor for many songs/reasons, this being one of them. anyone who busts out in dolphin sounds in the middle of a song and sounds pretty is pretty awesome in my book.

also, if you're in the nyc area, she's playing a benefit concert tomorrow at irving plaza. and if you're really awesome, could you give me a ticket please?

top of the ginger to ya

2010-03-18T12:23:00.004-04:00

as most of you know, yesterday was st. patty's day, which is celebrated in the US by searching for shamrock shakes and puking up green beer by 4 pm.

for most, the couleur du jour is green, but this year i celebrated a different color, red, as in, all the irish gingers out there! although my irish heritage left me looking more like a viking with freckles, let's pause for a moment to give a shout out to all the redheads among us, only 1-2% of the population. they often get a lot of flack, but i'm scared of their fiery tempers so this is pure <3. (anyone else see patti call that woman a fire crotch bitch on millionaire matchmaker?!)

personally, the first time i remember laughing at the word ginger was my first trip to europe as a teenager, when an old british lady asked me if i had visited ginger yet. i had not, but she told me to give gingy a kiss, as they affectionately call him.

another personal connection is our own keelay, who is my favorite ginger kid of all time. he wasn't discouraged by those recessive genes on chromosome 16, he embraced them as his child modeling career exploded in the pacific northwest. here's an early shot, but he is still as fine as ever. hands off ladies and gentlemen, he's taken!
probably my favorite famous red head right now is cristina hendricks, from my other obsession, mad men. she has to be one of the fiercest beasts out there. (she's the one the nytimes doctored a photo of to call fat. we in high school nyt?) props to her for working it 24/7/365.

the girl in this video really reminds me of her, but i love this quirky stop motion video, lost things, music by a fine frenzy.

so people, stop hating on the redheads, and give your local ginger some love.

a miniature nyc treat

2010-03-15T15:05:00.003-04:00

because sometimes...

we love new york
we feel so small
music can perfectly capture a mood
we are all voyeurs

and because long into the future, far far away, this might bring a nostalgic tear to our eyes

The Sandpit from Sam O'Hare on Vimeo.

cuteness overload alert

2010-03-04T13:40:00.004-05:00

normally i despise my job, reading medical files all day about patient X who died of obesity or patient Y who died from a weird rash complication from a clinical trial sucks! like, really sucks! high points of my day are reading divorce settlements or transcripts of some coyotes threatening to kill some guatemalans they brought over the border. (what has my life become?)

in any case, a reprieve today. thank you french encyclopedia people for sending me an entry on african desert animals. (ok, again, what has my life become that i am thrilled to be reading a french encyclopedia?) but NEWAYZ i saw the cutest thing in the world because it's illustrated.

the fennec fox:if you aren't squealing right now, we probably can't be friends. these babies have built in air conditioners in their ears!

they are the only foxes that can be legit house pets. i have to check out spain's laws for exotic pets because i'm bringing me home one of these nocturnal bundles of joy or, crossing the strait of gibraltar personally and smuggling him back. se llama pedro.

they have now knocked down sugar gliders as my new favorite noctural animal that i want adopt. sorry hypothetical sugar glider i wanted named scrat.

the end is built into the beginning.

2010-03-04T01:57:00.012-05:00

when someone close to you strongly insists watching a movie like "synecdoche, new york" because it reminds them of you, it's hard not to walk away thinking WTF. okay, well regardless if that was how you heard of it or not, you'd probs still turn off the tv/dvd player/blue ray/projector/boot leg chinatown disc thinking "wait, what the hell just happened?" it's just one of those kind of movies that comes from the psyche of charlie kaufman (hello? "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" or "being john malkovich" ring a bell? [o hai john cusack u so fine]) that requires a few days to process and reflect upon.

obsessed with reality vs. living inside your head, death in all forms, and human disconnect, kaufman comes through once again with making little, but complete sense, in synecdoche (which, for the record, is NOT pronounced sink-a-douche as it was pointed out to yours truly in an organic grocery store in san francisco). my fave philip seymore hoffman, who for some reason i always find strangely attractive, plays small town theatre director caden cotard in upstate new york. after his wife leaves him to get a little *~* in berlin, he begins directing a massive theatre piece as a final attempt to do something important. the whole movie gets lost as the play moves within a play moves within a play inside an enormous theatre inside manhattan and all of the characters start acting out one another. confused yet? yeah, so am i.

while "synecdoche, new york" is horribly depressing, there's something raw and refreshing buried beneath all that epic sadness. at the end, a narrator tells us:

"What was once before you - an exciting, mysterious future - is now behind you. Lived; understood; disappointing. You realize you are not special. You have struggled into existence, and are now slipping silently out of it. This is everyone's experience. Every single one. The specifics hardly matter. Everyone is everyone."

maybe it's the collective human experience of trying to do something with what we have, despite how difficult all of this can be, is the uplifting message. we get up, go on, and even though we know it will be over for all of us in the end and our mark on the world will truly be nothing after the blip of our existence finishes, there remains a hope that we will be different and it is our choice how we play out our story.

shit, i need to take another hit off my bong and think about this some more.

o hai u didn't even know we had mo.

2010-03-03T02:13:00.005-05:00

we're officially in march, almost entering a new season, and breaking in 2010 like your favorite pair of shoes. yes, time is moving fast and so is *~*. while we love teal nation and hipster bullshit as much as you do, it's time to do a little shameless self promotion of other ventures of the internetz.

llamasutra - a little bit of llama love for you written by c-$ and our oregon-born llama expert, key-lay.

tumblr - i got relatively obsessed with tumblr late last year for its "stream of consciousness" approach to the internet.

flickr - c-$ regularly updates her flickr with photos from the hood, the good, and her mood.

the405club - basically, i've garnered a massive internet following at the405club.com -- an internet support group for the unemployed in new york. aight, so i've only written one post as the "no job nomad," but there will be more to come as my savings dwindle and i get robbed in south america.

so there you have it. check us out, keep the love flowing, and do yourself a favor and drink a bellini today (cuz you sure as hell know our unemployed/working from home asses did).

gaga loooove you

2010-03-01T16:45:00.002-05:00

quote in cosmo:

“I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.’”

just another reason to love this beast of all fierce beasts.

ode to the winter olympics closing ceremonies.

2010-03-01T01:34:00.001-05:00

oh dear canada
could it have been possible
to put more cliches?

snOwMG (part deux)

2010-02-26T15:20:00.006-05:00

more snow madness has arrived just in time at my breaking point of cabin fever. GET ME OUTTA HERE.

so if you're homebound like moi, and can't get into the city, or want to with all that slush, why not just make a little nyc yourself. or at least buy one and hang it on your wall, cause let's be serious, that's way too much work and you may cut your dainty fingers.

from famille summerbelle, fun to watch:

buy one yourself in one of several colors. nyc, paris and london- all very cute and available to add some cheer to that white apartment wall.

essentials for the arctic zone.

2010-02-25T11:24:00.007-05:00

given that we are fierce fashionistas and ladiez with exxxtreme style, no trip would be complete without analyzing el haute couture of the local culture. in continuation of our love/hate relationship with NORWAY, we bring you a new segment to *~*:

****+****sTyLe MuStS oF sCaNdInAvIa****+****

get yo head gear right: when you're 200 miles away from the arctic circle, you can expect some cold weather. during those long, long nights of searching for the northern lights, you want to make sure your head is covered tight. as pictured to the left, you can go little red riding hood style and look like an asshole OR get hats in classy animal prints. the locals tended to go for the "i've just been skiing look" with nylon head wear, but for the record rocking peruvian style llamasutra (oh yes i did) shiz also works.

a fierce bag: because scandinavia is no where to take fashion lightly (hello? h&m, ikea, jens lekman, etc.), you're going to need a real statement piece. for the ladies, this is normally a "do want" bag or fancy footwear. with eight feet of snow, how to do the latter will be covered l8r, so for now you should def consider this "moods of norway" shoulder bag. it conveniently comes in black to convey your anger at the prices and your general mood with four hours of daylight.

show your feet some love: let's get this straight, do not bring any of the following foot wear to n'way:

a.) boots with holes and/or broken heals
b.) leather shoes
c.) k swiss sports show

DO CONSIDER:

a.) water proof hiking boots
b.) winter boots.
c.) rain boots

as you can see here, choice c on the "do consider" section was purchased as a result of packing b and c on the "do not bring" section. make it something to remember by hiking your kilt socks up over your skinny jeans because you wanted to avoid spending an extra 100 kronner on taller boots. be jealous, norway.

o hai neck: finally, a good scarf that will protect you from rain, sleet, and snow will do you wonders up north. when it's below 0 outside, you will feel like you're warm enough to cook some s'mores inside your jacket and feel an ultimate sense of love.

FUN FACT: do NOT try to steal aka claim a scarf that is not yours from the lost and found in oslo airport. they will scan your passport and you will be banned from the country if they find out you iz lying.

in honor of national cupcake day.

2010-02-23T10:25:00.003-05:00

everyday in the world of *~* is national cupcake day. so in honor of delicious sponge cake with cream plastered on top, we give you a list of our top three favorite places to indulge in nyc:

1.) burgers & cupcakes - this gem is located by my former place of employment on 9th ave ave at 36th st. the cake itself is alright, but the butter cream frosting is like a dream.

2.) crumbs - massive, massive, massive. and delicious.

3.) amy's bread - so to be perrrfectly honest i actually prefer their cake to their cupcakes, but none the less you can't leave without an epic win. the frosting is delicious like michael jordan on a sunday night.

there you have it. if you need to indulge in some frosting and cake, try these places and loosen your belt a little, bitches.

1111111111111111111111111111

2010-02-22T11:26:00.002-05:00

HAPPY BURFDAY TO WE!
*~* is officially 1 years old. like every other 1 year old we want a well fabulous party with tons of presents, cake in our face and mad attention.

we've come a long way in this past year. we hope you've grown with us. if everyone in the world could just give us $1 all our dreams could come true. kthxbai.

stay tuned. wez iz legit.

tru romance

2010-02-18T17:57:00.004-05:00

paris is the city of lights, new york is the city that never sleeps - both truly romantic destinations for valentine's day. which is why i went to atlanta. after delaying the trip by a day because of snOMGizzle, we finally made it to hotlanta for some mac n cheese, AND SNOW. seriously, wtf?

anyways, when i wasn't eating biscuits or hitting up the surprisingly respectable vintage scene, i was getting totally romanced by my bf (can't spell romance without _ _ _ _ _).

question: what better way to spend lover's day than watching your bf play in a poker tournament at vortex?
answer: having a photo shoot at margaret mitchell's house (fierce beast) with your gf and picking up some sweet post its (DON'T CALL ME SUGAR). for all you uneducated ragamuffins out there, she wrote gone with the wind.
on a sadder note, margaret crushed my hipsterly romantic dreams of writing a novel on an old typewriter. waaaay to hard and there is no gchat on that thing.

p.s. to be fair, our significant others did throw down some $$ billz for some fierce jewelry (did i hear turquoise?) and presented it a la dick in a box. <3

notes from the homeland.

2010-02-16T04:58:00.011-05:00

traveling well is an art form. determining what kind of traveler you are, choosing where to go, and getting a day-to-day game plan together are all key for a successful trip. with that in mind, my recent sojourn across borders should have been a disaster, but instead proved to be insightful and endearing (and somewhat infuriating) adventure. in what shall be a multi-post exploration of the world's highest ranking place on the human development index and 2007's most peaceful country in the world, i bring you a look at *~*NORWAY*~*

after returning from my birth place (okay one of four), i realized i am a shoestring (aka cheap ass, does not like to spend $$$, frugal, thrifty, annoyling bargain) traveler. with this in mind, going to a place that is on average 30 percent more expensive than the united states proved to be a test of strengths, temper, and tantrums. in honor of $5 cokes and $4 to board a bus, i bring you my top five favorite meals (and their cost):

1.) oslo airport food: first off, if you're coming into oslo from an international flight, EAT UP DUTY FREE. the alcohol is a third of the price from supermarkets and the cocaine is half.

now to my main point, the meal above (a bottle of water, a piece of bread, and jam) will push you back $8. i swear i heard some viking scream at the cash register "welcome to norway, SUCKERS!"

2.) coffee & tea: on average, the cost of a coffee in norway is about $5 and anything beyond cup o' joe will pile on at least two more dolla dolla billz. a personal best was paying $7 for tea, which ended up tasting like shit.

3.) breakfast: okay, so an all you can eat buffet should've cost around $13, but the suckers at the hotel didn't know this gangster from the yay area i sly like a fox so i got that for F-R-E-E. suck it scandinavia!!!!

4.) chain restaurants: like any true romantic, no valentine's day meal should be without feeling like you're about to suffer from explosive diarrhea -- this is why burger king is always a perfect place to take your honey bunny when cupid sings. as pictured here, a chicken burger, whopper, two fries, and two drinks added up to a cool $31. the ketchup was free.

5.) finally, my favorite meal was where it all began: oslo international airport. for 49 norwegian kroner (NOK) [~$8], you can get the following: a baguette, fruit juice, apple, YATZE, a deck of cards, and a pen hollering at oslo!!!! this proved to be a great time until a card game turned nasty, but at least dinner was cheap.

all in all, it's a sad state in the world when one enters a uk supermarket and is relieved to be paying in pounds. none the less, this adventure in cuisine culture shock have left a profound impact and great memories. i still love you, norway.

snOwMG

2010-02-10T20:03:00.004-05:00

i try to avoid cable news panic attacks at all costs, but fell prey to check on the weather, excuse me, SNOWPOCALYPSE/SNOWMAGGEDON that was heading our direction. i only cared because i was on my way out. at least that's what i thought. blizzard 2010 had another plan for me.

i narrowly escaped blizzard 2009 right before christmas, as i was probably one of the last flights out of jfk, praise be to luck/jetblue/no one in the airport. but this time i wasn't so lucky. the crazy linguistic exaggerations of cnn turned out to be true and rather than sipping champagne in hotlanta with nene and sheree, i'm drinking wine in the dirty jerz and watching bear grylls aka man v. wild aka HUGE CRUSH conquer urban survival. not bad, but i would've rather boarded the plane today.

all wasn't lost though, at least i had today off and got to partake in a retro snowball fight. watch out for this maniac in a park near you.

pray to any celestial being that my flight tomorrow isn't cancelled so all is not lost and i can continue the non-stop dream vacation/valentine's love fest eating buttermilk biscuits down south.

new york in black and white.

2010-02-10T14:03:00.003-05:00

hello. you have been asked to participate in a small survey that will take less than two minutes of your time:

1.) do you like decent japanese food, most of which could be set on fire?
2.) do you enjoy black?
3.) is dining in a cave something you've always dreamed of?
4.) do you like magic tricks?
5.) would you be open to sharing stories of how you lost your virginity?

if the answer is "yes" to any of these, then ninja new york is for you! set in the terrible neighborhood of tribeca, this gem of a restaurant will move and groove you. the food is pretty standard (though as our waiter pointed out, we were more of a drinking crowd anyways) with sushi rolls ranging from $8-$12. there are other prix-fixe options available for $38-$88, but as mentioned this place isn't really about the dining, but rather the experience. mixed drinks aren't too bad at $12, $47 bottles of champagne, and $3 beer. oh, and there's a magic show by a ninja who will do mind blowing tricks and then ask for tips. the servers also do little cameos in and out of different dining rooms as well as slap you with towels when you least expect it.

overall, it was the perfect place to spend a final night in new york city. i would def say this is a group place as the people who were on dates kind of got caught in a weird aisle table situation. it's overpriced, but worth the experience.

help me find it!

2010-02-07T18:47:00.002-05:00

as we all know by now teal is the color of the year. via someone on tumblr with very good taste, we found the fiercest dress ever, my dream dress! but who is it by? how can i find this amazing piece of apparel? someone help if you know who designed this!

DO NEED

a playlist for the end.

2010-02-05T10:50:00.004-05:00

while tonight will involve ninjas, animal masks, and $30/all you can drink specials, what i'm really hoping for is the playlist of my dreams (circa february 2010) to come true. if my last night in new york city could have any track list, these songs would be heavily rotated in some trashy dance club in the lower east side:

passion pit - sleepy head
dirty projectors - stillness is the move
lady gaga - bad romance
animal collective - my girls
heartless bastards - the mountain
phoenix - lisztomania
grizzly bear - while you wait for others
lcd soundsystem - someone great
la roux - bullet proof
mariah carey - fantasy
anything girl talk
noah and the whale - blue skies (twelves remix)
florence and the machine -rabbit heart (raise up)
marina and the diamonds - i am not a robot
the killers - all these things that i've done

let's get C-R-U-N-K!

spa castle/inspa world/heaven

2010-02-03T16:57:00.002-05:00

Recently a few friends and I decided to venture out to Queens (brownie points for the borough) to try Spa Castle, and it was as ridiculous as it sounds. Run by Koreans, it's 4 floors of heavenly madness.

Bad news first:
-It's a little pricy on the weekend ($45) so I'll skip out of work and try a weekday next time.
-For a $45 entrance fee, you don't get towels, but hey, you can rent basically everything else including old lady bathing suits with skirts. Or buy. Still regretting not getting the $5 Princess Leia bun head towel, such a bargain!
-There are kids running around everywhere. We were so relaxed we didn't care too much except in the saunas where the little monsters kept coming in and out and letting out all my heat.

Good news second:
-It's super relaxing and kind of kitsch, in a good way. You can spend the whole day here without feeling bored, rotating between massages, facials, pools, relaxing rooms, saunas, food and hey, you can even sleep right on the hardwood floor in the "sleep section" next to the cafeteria. SO comfy.
-THE WATCHES! As animals that just stepped out of the jungle we've apparently been deprived of fancy technology. When you check in they give you a watch with a number and don't tell you at all what to do with it, except pay $50 if you lose it. Not only does it get you into your separate shoe and clothing lockers, but it also buys everything you want- food, apparel, massages without really seeing a price or anything in English at all. Perk after getting the massage, no money/tip handling and it makes the whole experience feel less awkward and more free. (Just wait for the sticker shock @ check out time.)
-It's super clean. No footwear of any kind anywhere or you are outta there buddy.
-Pool bar and upstairs bar with lounging couches. 'Nuff said.

Somewhere in between:
-We were not prepared for the cult-like atmosphere due to the uniforms. When you go into your appropriate locker room, you see a bunch of naked women (or men) and then are handed a uniform and a toothbrush (kinda like prison I guess). Ladies in orange tops and pick bottoms like a creamsicle, and gents in blue bottoms and grayish tops. The hellions wear all yellow for easy identification. Amusing and liberating to look crappy like everyone else (o hai communism) but a little unnerving and semi-cultish (this is AMERIKA I will sue for my individuality!!!!!).
-Couples massages are fun, especially when it's with your friend and the massueses think you're together/too dumb to take your shirt on/off yourself. So sometimes they giggle and dress you. Not always bad things. Depending on your definition of "bases," you may feel like you've hit a home run with the way they get on top of you. But damn my back felt good after.
-Facials are also great and leave your skin looking fresh and new. However, don't you DARE get the 30 minute facial or the facialist will ridicule you because only teenagers get that one and tell you your skin is so bad you better come back as soon as possible for the 1 hour serious woman facial. She will also keep reiterating both of those things for that short time of 30 minutes and tell you what clogged pores and how many blackheads you have. How dare you inconvenience her. Then she will sell you $63 facial products and you will leave scared/happy/confused at what just happened.

So, keep a sense of humor about a lot of things, grab some friends/lovers and go out there during the week. (I think there's a shuttle but just make your friend/lover drive you.) I promise it will be some kind of experience.

red mango: i can feel your soul.

2010-02-01T14:55:00.002-05:00

in a week of goodbyes, it's time to pay official homage to a part of new york that has kept *~* fed and in love the past year: red mango.

claiming to be healthy (icallbullshit.com) and probiotic, what we really love about red mango is the perfect flavor (not too sweet, not too tart) and selection of toppings. as pictured here, my favorite combination is blueberries, mochi, and crushed graham cracker crust, though you be the master of your own universe. current flavors include original, cocoa (which is disgusto), tangomonium (disgusto #2), and pomegranate. i'm still praying to the mango gods that green tea will return, but it seems unlikely before saturday, february 6th.

the good news is that this isn't just a new york treat. in fact, red mango started in la and can now be found all up in the yay, so the world is your oyster. if you're in the city though, i recommend hitting up the location on 6th and 14th: it's spacious, always playing tacky music, and urban outfitters is right across the street. epic win for all.

goodbye, brooklyn.

2010-01-31T10:29:00.007-05:00

it's a day of epic sadness for us here at *~*. after two and a half faithful years as brooklynites (and nearly one year since beginning our venture here at the blog ooo hai i heart vintage lyke wot), we will officially abandon our favorite borough. williamsburg will be one hipster short after this afternoon, though somehow it must continue to thrive. we wish it the best of luck in finding other legging wearing, bang bearing, organic food loving, teal fierceness, and music obsessing loquitas. this will not prove to be difficult. in honor of this delightfully pretentious neighboorhood, here is a random list of our fave spots:

dumont - cait is well up on this shit. i personally don't pay more than $7 for anything at a restaurant, but she claims the food is worth it. cards still out.
sunac - all time favorite grocery store. natural food and open 24 hours -- the perfect combination for a late night out.
atlas cafe - the staff here are crazy (the chick who makes caps always makes one take note on how light and fluffy her pour was), but the italian ambiance is worth the stay. amazing paninis, pastries, and coffee aka kinda makes you wish you were italian (sike!).
pop - right around the corner for atlas. it's basically everything you can find on modcloth.com and more.
mine metal art - the fantastic metal creations and collectibles from welder kristina kozak. always interesting finds for your home and your sanity.
gimme coffee! - there cup sizes are ridiculously small, but their coffee is ridiculously amazing.
second stop cafe - obvi have to give a shout out to the place of our birth. love the ambiance, love the people, love the donuts.
beacon's closet - if you adhere to the mantra "never buy anything full price" then this is your store. essentially all my clothes are under $10 and come from here or...
buffalo exchange - less pretentious second hand selection than beacon + have found three pairs of jeans in two years there FTW.
pinkyotto - overpriced korean fashion on the streets of new york = too cute to resist, too expensive to buy, but still fun to look.
artist & fleas - a cheap mix of fashion, art, books, food, and designers melt together here. verameat often has a stand here that is ~ 50 percent off the shit she sells in stores or on the website. aka needs it always.
kellogg's diner - fucking awful food, but huge booths that you can lounge around in for hours. they also put whip cream on their cappuccinos, so that deserves a bonus point or two.
moto - i almost debated not putting them on here after so terribly bitchy service last time there, but the interior design is too good not to mention. it looks like a little french hole in the wall circa 1938 and the bathroom is very nautical. the food is pretty good and live music most nights of the week.
hugs - okay, so i've only been here one time and it was like two years ago, but it was epic. they have 90s night every second saturday or the month -- who doesn't want to listen to mister jones blasting?

this list could go on, but williamsburg is to be discovered so just come and see for yourself.

brooklyn, you have been wonderful + amazing + unforgettable.

thought of the moment (life of the tiger).

2010-01-29T16:43:00.001-05:00

tomorrow is new
for we shall rip this city
much like black bean wind.

see you here tomorrow dressed like a wizard.

wisdom from the far east

2010-01-28T16:34:00.007-05:00

there's no better way to help smooth digestion of your $10 chinese lunch (chicken fried rice and bubble tea) than reading your fortune while eating that cookie. icing on the cake.

it seems like the fortune-writing people got semi-legit lately with proper spelling and english grammar. it's almost been disappointing. but alas, my hope has been restored.

"Woman's intuition like feather on arrow. May help flight to truth."

truer words have been spoken, but this is poetic, non?

just in time for chinese new year, too. get ready for the year of the tiger! (someone's power animal?) it shall be fierce.

and if you're looking for a way to spread the good wishes and cheer for chinese new year, ponder a moment on sending an e-card to that culturally in-the-know person in your life.

a fave:

essex brunch: a new york tradition.

2010-01-25T10:22:00.004-05:00

if you live in new york, then you know regardless of which borough you claim brunch is kind of a big deal. much like *~* -- but that's totes obvi.

as i'm packing up and selling all my worldly possessions, i've been trying to hit up my favorite spots around the city. for someone who hates spending money on meals (but moreso, tipping), essex continues to be one of the only places i'll throw down benjaminz. i love essex for the following reasons:

unlimited mimosas
unlimited mimosas
unlimited mimosas

of course the food is pretty diverse and the atmosphere chaotic, but when the pitchers of mimosas overflow like jesus and his loaves of bread, you cannot help but fall a little bit in love. in four hours, our party of three was treated to AT LEAST 10 glasses of that jus d'orange avec champagne, maybe for covertly tipping our bus boy juan gonzalez with dolla dolla billz.

newayz, if you want a good time and a guaranteed recipe for a party, then essex is your shiz. THOUGH i have changed my mind about that shithole the dark room after a bad experience with the beatles mantra"let it be" and total lack of dance party on sunday night. fuck the haters and cheers to the good stuff!

sadness in ~land

2010-01-24T09:44:00.003-05:00

dear everyone,
today is a sad day. *~* is packing up it's last home base in billyburg, hipsterville, and moving on to other things. the furniture is being sold off one by one and spread all over craigslist, the polar bear is in the trash and the chandelier decal is being scraped off.

have no fear. we are going on to bigger and better things and will be officially international. (new jersey counts as another country, non?)

in any case, this will only make us fiercer. after almost a year of *~* in billyburg, it's time for some fresh perspectives. so for nostalgic reasons, we're heading back to where it all began almost a year ago. (stay tuned for a 1 year anniversary partaaaay.) k still has a couple weeks yet so make sure to help here live the dream here before she starts her new life doing the tango on the plaza de mayo.

thought for the day:

word on the ice.

2010-01-21T10:36:00.003-05:00

for those of you still suffering kristina yamaguchi complex, have no fear bryant park is here!

the pond (proudly presented to you by citibank aka holder of my paycheck praise be to this fine institution) is open until this sunday, january 24th. if you have your own skatez, this shit is FREE. if not, you pay $12 to rent and then $10 to hold your goods while you're out landing triple salchows as the laymen wipe out and break their teeth.

this is the perfect opportunity to warm up in the winter, a great excuse to drink hot chocolate, and the best way to heat up sexual tension if you're on a date (come on, you're both falling down/onto each other/constantly holding hands to stay up -- sounds steamy cold).

do yourself a favor and unleash your inner ice queen tonight.

peace.

good deeds make the world go round.

2010-01-20T09:53:00.006-05:00

in light of so much tragedy in the caribbean over the past week, it seems appropriate to talk on about volunteering and donations. before i start on what you can do at home in the city, if you have some spare cash please look into giving to one of these organizations. also, if you're a music fan and have $200 to donate, check out an intense set at city winery tonight with the antlers. all proceeds go to haiti disaster relief.

back to another island: for those of us who want to spread the love here in nueva york, housing works is a great place to start. the 411 be:

Housing Works is committed to ending the twin crises of AIDS and homelessness. We believe that all people have the right to a rich and empowering life. Since 1990, we have provided the highest quality services for homeless men, women, and children living with HIV and AIDS in New York City and beyond.

you can drop by its location in soho at 126 crosby street to donate books, videos, dvds, music, or simply your time. it's bookstore has the best vibe i've felt anywhere in the city and .83 cents of every dollar you spend goes towards helping those afflicted by aids. every item for sale has been donated and most everyone who works there is a volunteer, so shiz is 4real. they also have a sweet ass cafe and while the brownies were a disappointment, le cappuccino was extraordinaire! do a good thing today:

1.) remember all the great things in your vida
2.) donate a little bit to those who need it
3.) drink a glass of champagne
4.) volunteer
5.) continue living the dream.

feel the power in 2k10

2010-01-05T10:31:00.004-05:00

dear all, welkom to 2k10!
whether you believe this is the last year of the last decade or first year of the new decade, a new year is always a reason to celebrate. we're pretty proud we've made it this far, especially since this will be our big quarter century celebration. (stay tuned for more of that this spring.)

NEWAYZ, we've made no new year's resolutions since we are perfect, besides the obvious "keep it fierce para siempre" that we reiterate every year.

for those of you that could use some help, remember to reconnect with your power animal in the enchanted forest and connect with your power color. to help you with this, pantone has finally released their color of 2010, get ready, it's TURQUOISE AKA TEAL aka signature color of *~* for years already. another example of why we are so *~*ahead of the game*~*.

in their words, Turquoise Transports Us to an Exciting, Tropical Paradise While Offering a Sense of Protection and Healing in Stressful Times. we couldn't agree more. so remember to think turquoise and may your power animal watch over you for a fierce 2010.

a photo from our own turquoise archive:
and don't forget, if you want to celebrate the year of the turquoise and buy us an appropriate gift, etsy let's you shop by color.

just sayin'.

WORDS OF WISDOM.

2009-12-29T10:26:00.006-05:00

MAY YOU ALL HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND NEVER FORGET TO TURN YOUR CAPS LOCK ON

get ready.

2009-12-20T10:13:00.001-05:00

*~* is coming back strong in 2010.

december already?

2009-12-01T17:36:00.003-05:00

support el presidente

2009-11-29T14:40:00.003-05:00

even if obama is kenyan and dithers on healthcare and sending troops to the middle east, that is no reason not to support our commander in chief. thank you man in bryant park for reminding us all of this, in a most colorful way.

reason #40979 why mtv is amazing

2009-11-25T14:43:00.005-05:00

some call us the mtv generation. indeed, i grew up watching beavis and butthead and real world season 1 behind my parents' backs. i used to love watching music videos after school (pre-youtube this was our only chance at learning the hottest moves i would mimic at the catholic school dance to make the nuns go loca).

but since music television stopped playing music, real real world castmates were replaced by moronic anorexic barbies, and let's face it, it just lost it's cool (the hills? really?), i stopped watching mtv.

however, i am proud to say i will be back as of december 3rd. word is out about the new show, jersey shore. mtv has caught the "reality" jersey bug, even though bravo has been there done that with the real housewives. after that table clip, how could there not be another one.

jersey shore is apparently about the "hottest, tannest, crazies Guidos" living in a house at the Jersey shore, and judging from the promo and trailer, it's gonna be a doozy. GET READY FOR A WHOLE NEW CRAZY.

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

they keep their hair high, their muscles juicy, and their fists pumping all summer long. so don't be a hater, and join me thursdays for what is bound to be endless entertainment so close to home.

welcome to the modern world.

2009-11-23T20:00:00.002-05:00

dear world,

*~*
it is who we are
we have no mercy
and we don't play guitar
for one of us brooklyn is far
but that shit don't mean we ain't livin' the dream
whether we iz in joisey or our @$$ iz in queenz
because different boroughs meanz different perspectiz 2 b seen
you know what i mean?

*~*
we are deeper than a scar
this shit is the #1 site in the d.r.
we best b ur first google hit

*~*
i can't tell you enough
that we are totes off the cuff
we rock this world
call our name

*~*
recognize, bitch.

empire state of mind

2009-11-20T09:27:00.006-05:00

to all of you not in new york, i'm sorry for you.

and to those of you that are, i'm sorry for you too.

le beaujolais nouveau est arrive

2009-11-19T16:50:00.002-05:00

ENFIN!
it's been such a long year since the last.
although we'll be celebrating with a touch of melancholic nostalgia because we are not in paris where our hearts lie, you can find us here tonight if you want to buy us a glass and ponder whether this year's vintage has a hint of cherries or sandalwood.

it's no paris, but it'll have to do. comme c'est triste la vie.

mid-november mash-up

2009-11-17T14:03:00.004-05:00

it's been awhile since we've updated you on world events and holidays, so in the spirit of the upcoming ones in our own beloved nation, turkey daaay, here's lookin' at what the rest of the world is up to for the day...

Electronic Greeting Card Day
Homemade Bread Day
World Peace Day
Take a Hike Day

and the rest of the month...

Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week: 15-21
Farm-City Week: 20-26
Bible Week: 22-29
Family Week: 22-28
Game & Puzzle Week: 22-28
Teens Don't Text and Drive Week: 22-28
Better Conversation Week: 23-29
Church/State Separation Week: 24-30

so if you're not in to stuffing your face with turkey and singing kumbaya at your family's politically incorrect indians v. pilgrims dress up party, hopefully these other ideas will keep you busy. personally, i already have things lined up for game and puzzle week...

and just in case you're really bored, some random highlights from november monthly observances...

Adoption Month AIDS Awareness Month Alzheimer's Disease Month Aviation History Month Child Safety Protection Month Diabetes Month Diabetic Eye Disease Month Epilepsy Awareness Month Family Stories Month Family Caregivers Month Gluten-Free Diet Awareness Month Good Nutrition Month Home Care & Hospice Month Hunger Awareness Month Impotency Month Inspirational Role Models Month International Drum Month Life Writing Month Long-term Care Awareness Month Lung Cancer Awareness Month
MADD's Tie One On For Safety Holiday Campaign Military Family Appreciation Month Model Railroad Month Moustache Month NoSHAVEmber(Beard Month) Novel Writing Month Peanut Butter Lovers Month Pet Cancer Awareness Month Pomegranate Month Prematurity Awareness Month Real Jewelry Month Red Ribbon Month Roasting Month Scholarship Month Slaughter Month Sleep Comfort Month Stamp Collecting Month Sweet Potato Awareness Month Vegan Month

(i'm not sure how some of these are celebrated, but feel free to share your stories if you know...particularly the ones i've highlighted above)

bring back sal

2009-11-09T19:39:00.004-05:00

as i hope you all know, last night was the season 3 finale of mad men, sniff sniff (wtf am i supposed to do on sunday nights?). at least we still have monday nights of gossip girl OMFG tonight is the 3some episode i hope you are involved chuckles bass.

NEWAYZ, other than being mad at mad men for leaving me hanging until july, i am pretty pissed that sal is gone. you better bring him back sterling-cooper-draper-price, it was just getting mcgaysteamy! but at least you came to your senses and wrote joan the beast back in.

a few fave moments from the season:
-joan being a fierce beast 24/7
-that british guy's foot getting cut off by a john deere in the office
-everyone's affairs
-jane's fur outifts
-sal finally hooking up with a man (and calling his wife from a payphone in the village with some sketchy characters behind him)
-betty's italian and skyhigh hair do in rome
-dramizzle as usual, why was i not born in that era to wear all those dresses?
-and as a bonus, in episode 12 i saw sterling drinking from the same glass i own, holla!

so, see you in season 4. i expect you to be fiercer than ever and get peggy a hot love interest for gods sake, what is up with campbell and duck? ew.

in the mean time, i will have to "mad men myself" for the next 9 months. a few examples so far...

in honor of our childhood.

2009-11-05T17:21:00.001-05:00

happy birthday, sesame street!

totally looks like: german edition

2009-11-04T16:30:00.004-05:00

first of all, happy november! welcome seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and pitch blackness by 5 pm. we will do our best to keep you entertained while you're drinking your mulled wine wrapped in a cheetah snuggie for the next 4 months (oh wait, that may just be me).

NEWAYZ
thank you to jamie for bringing this to all of our attention. in the spirit of one of my favorite time wasting websites, we bring you one of our own.

kyle totally looks like german fussballer philipp lahm (doing the signature kyle move no less- and they are both in deutschland- kosmik konnekshun?).

some chinglish in kyle's photo as a little bonus.

argentina, you fill me already.

2009-10-27T13:29:00.002-04:00

alright bitches, let's bring this back to williamsburg.

in honor of my third (tercero) visit (visita) to (a) one of the finest eating establishments in brooklyn, i decided to write a short poem to xxxpress my love. el almacen, you have charmed your way through my stomach everytime.

el almacen
you are my zen
i've come here three times
once on a weekend
your aji relleno bring me back again

you are mildly over priced
as your enchiladas don't come with rice
though i love the julia malbec
with it's after kicking spice

el almacen
i shall try visit you more often
when i'm no longer vegan.

in contrast penquena's black bean soup that gave me an uncomfortable feeling for 24 hours, i would say el almacen is the place for latin flavored specialties. particularly when mama nelson is buying the sangria.

a family portrait drawn when you were four.

2009-10-22T11:47:00.007-04:00

as you can imagine with cait's flight to the south and my terrible return to this side of the atlantic, a few photo shoots have taken place over the past couple weeks. this was captured from the picnic spot beside the restaurant that was too fancy for coffee, but before pursuing two bottles of prosecco and a $23 pizza. eat your heart out, dominoes.

it's entitled "can you somersault into the valley?"

you might want to listen to this.

beautiful memories

2009-10-16T18:51:00.004-04:00

it's october, you know what that means...vacation! ok not really. but i'm going anyway. if you need me, i'll be making beautiful memories until further notice.

and don't try to call, there's no phone reception. there WILL be lots of wine, bbq and sun.

enjoy the early onset ny winter.

kthxbai.

ps. just cause it's friday: a winning image from a recent trip to pittsburgh for the g20. i believe this was one of the delegate's rides. i fully support the teal totes obvi.

sassy bassey

2009-10-11T17:03:00.002-04:00

we are all about celebrating fierce beasts around here and dame bassey's soulful voice couldn't get any fiercer. she was born in wales, and although it's no scotland (come back soon k-dizzle), we'll holla at the uk for now.

for your sunday listening pleasure, some tunes to enjoy whether you're waiting for the mta delays or drinking champagne.

you're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, apologizing.

2009-10-09T17:11:00.003-04:00

caitlin asked if we could take the kanye hater vibe off the blog as it's clearly a little dated (that is so three weeks ago). to bring this back to recent times in brooklyn, let's check up with the best new music to come out of new york's finest borough: the antlers.

it is understatement to say their sophomore pursuit, hospice, is incredible. a concept album based off the semi-autobiographical experiences of the band's lead singer, peter silberman, tells the story of a man battling a loved one who's battling cancer. considering the record's title, we know she won't make it through the last track.

there are so many falsettos in music these days, so many artists who creep into social isolation and break out with thoughtful work, so many records with the "indie rock" stamp, yet hospice hits a different chord. silberman's words are haunting -- it's all in the details of the story and the honest emotion that takes this album to another place. in "epilogue" he sings:

In a nightmare, I am falling from the ceiling into bed beside you.
You're asleep, I'm screaming, shoving you to try to wake you up.
And like before, you've got no interest in the life you live when you're awake.
Your dreams still follow storylines, like fictions you would make.

So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital.
But now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue.
Men and women in blue and white, they are singing all around you,
with heavy shovels holding earth.
You're being buried to you neck.
In that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now.
I'm trying to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together.

the lyrics could easily be read as prose, which almost seems his intention considering the structure of the album booklet. to accompany the weight of his grief is a voice that simultaneously conveys sadness, anger, and hope.

the impossible task of even penetrating emotions surrounding loss, disease, and watching a loved one die somehow comes together beautifully in hospice. it may leave you feeling shittier than before you gave it a listen, but to feel so much can be beautiful in itself.

my favorite song from the album, "two"

hitting and stealing.

2009-09-16T17:03:00.013-04:00

okayokayokay, enough already!

OBAMA HAS SPOKEN: dear kanye west, you're a jackass.

i was entertained/mildly appalled by senor west's behavior this past sunday at the video music awards and thought he got the condemnation he deserved. regardless of levels of intoxication or ego inflation, the man is an attention whore in addition to being an idiot. as an avid follower of the celebrity/intellectually stimulating blog "oh no they didn't," i've been constantly filtered all the media coverage surrounding the microphone stealing incident: from celebrity tweets to "the view" to jay leno to KANYE'S OWN BLOG (OMG CAPS LOCK STUCK!!111!!) to all those great memes created in the past 72 hours.

yet, in light of a mere 30 seconds that was stolen away from ms. swift, one fellow ontd fan pointed out the following: just months ago chris brown beat the shit out of rhianna; how much celebrity/media vilification went into that? obviously there was shock and some uproar when photos of rhianna's bruised face floated around the internet, but it was nothing compared to this overarching outrage kanye's receiving. you can't even put beating a woman and stealing someone's moment at an awards show in the same category, but if you had to decide which of the two was the greater offense, how is it that taylor swift's victimization outweigh rhianna's physical well-being (and obvi emotional issues since gurlfriend didn't press a single charge against his ass)? what kind of society is this where domestic abuse plays second fiddle to a country singer's acceptance speech being disrupted?

i don't know, shit just seems whack.

ode to love in these special times.

2009-09-15T13:35:00.003-04:00

dear readers,

please forgive the lack of updates over the past number of years. we have been busy with our respective to marriages to tiger woods and philip seymour hoffman as well as our dietary fiber addiction. please accept our apologies.

AND THEN ON ANOTHER NOTE

this morning [sic] i was inspired by a skype message sent from the one and only Adu gyamfi love from ghana (land of endless marriage proposals, but no ice to back it up).

adu writes:

Good morning!

...I am Adu gyamfi love from Ghana in the western part of Africa .And new here searching for friends and i just saw you online and i make mind to read your profile and it was nice profile. It was so overwhelmed me to mail you for ask for friendship .I know that true friend is someone who makes u have the total freedom of your Life and there will be many people who will walk in and out in your Life but only the love ones will leave with footprint...Thank you very much , and hoping to hear from you soon . i sincerely apologize if this note offends your good moral justice and ethics.

this charming and emotive message made what was a rainy morning full of agitation towards new york city disappear into warm thoughts of friendship. in addition to this, his note also reminded me of the greatest love letter i have ever received from a man named david. david was hanging out in the purses section of macy's two years ago and wooed me by crying out "nice boots!" we exchanged words for 20 minutes and then parted ways. david is an equally interesting writer and full of life.

david wrote:

Hi Kelsy,

Hi , this is David, I met u in Macys dept. store a few days ago. Thank u for giving me advice of what birthday gift i should buy my married friend. I studied advertising design. I started a design company, but have not made any money with the company yet. I have a business partner in N.Y. My company name is Sciensun Inc. I designed 2 practical products and hope to sell them in tens of thousands of stores accross america. If they are successful i will sell them in all of Asia , Europe and USA and Latin America. I have more products on the drawing board for the future. I was born and raised in NY. I live in Elmhurst Queens now. Do u Have brothers and sisters ? I love dogs. I will definately buy a Golden Retriever or a German Shepherd puppy in the future. Do u have pets ? Do u like animals ? I like dolphins also and horses and girraffes, lions, tigers and salt water aquarium hobby. I paid to swim with a dolphin 4 years ago in Florida. They gave me a crippled dolphin , it swam with a limp fin. The dolphin had a fin cast on. I would like to try bull riding as a challenge to myself. I want to see if i can stay on the bull for more than 8 seconds. Bull riding is in Texas. What fun activities do u enjoy doing ? I like cafes/lounges, amusement parks, bowling, play pool, motorboating. I don't have internet in my house. I would like to take u out next week and talk to get to know each other more. I don't have internet in my house. I use the library computer 1 time a week.
Please call me (347)730-xxxx or e-mail me.

SO MANY MEN, SO LITTLE TIME.

third time's a charm: (mAD men)

2009-08-16T13:17:00.005-04:00

i just realized we have hardly discussed one of my obsessions, mad men. basically the best show on tv and my daily inspiration to stay fabulous.

the moment we've all been waiting for has arrived: tonight is the premiere of season 3! set in 60's nyc, mad men does everything right- acting, wardrobe, nostalgia, product placement, humor, ferocity.

it may be called mad men, but i'm normally more taken with the women. these beasts do not get any fiercer. if only i could time travel...

ps- if you're in the new york area and not having your own party (which you're obvi not cause i wasn't invited), they are playing it in times square. if you're even cooler, head down to the roosevelt hotel for a cocktail premiere party/60s costume contest for the best "skirt and suit."

feminism our moms could be proud of

2009-08-12T16:24:00.004-04:00

the other day i received a post card in the mail from my alma mater (all girl's catholic high school) asking me to call a toll free number to update my contact info. sure, why not?

a nice man picked up and told me all about this alumni book coming out and proceeded to ask about my upated contact info, address, job, etc. then this:

him: oh, i see you've been out for about 6 years now.

me: oh wow, that seems like a long time.

him: so, have you changed your name? what are your husband and children's names?

me: oof, don't have any of those.

him: oh, i see.

what i SHOULD'VE said: my husband's name is prince william and i am now the duchess of wales. my children's names are maddox, shiloh, bronx, suri and apple.

listen, i got a great education from a school that touted itself as a place for girls to become independent, intelligent women. apparently in this man's eyes i am considered a FAIL because unlike a nice portion of my classmates i am not married and knocked up by one year after college.

apparently all that bra burning of my mother's generation didn't really work. instead, we have the horrors of promise rings (ugh) and 16 & pregnant, which has made some TPT into pseudo-reality-celebutards. (at least the one named catelynn (not the traditional gaelic spelling) had the sense to give hers up for adoption.)

i guess they got the last laugh though, he conned me into donating $70.
but it's all good, i'll take abother $70 and buy myself some champagne in celebration of the fact that i'm not pregnant!

spam: the ways it can get you going.

2009-08-07T16:14:00.002-04:00

with the recent phenomenon of e-mail, we have all fallen victim to spam. mostly annoying, sometimes spam mails can turn out to be a wonderful distraction that get you think hard about a variety of topics. here we decide whether spam really does have some validity or if simply is all bullshit:

case 1:

Even the shyest girls like it thick and long.

answer: FALSE. men, you are also expected to groom down there so please don't think it's okay to just let yourself go.

case 2:

one wife is not enough

answer: TRUE. if you think otherwise, clearly the magic of "big love" has not come to your cable provider.

case 3:

do you want to be the only lover for your wife?

answer: men, this will NEVER be possible. we will always picture shaquil o'neal during moments of high sexual passion. always.

case 4:

Muddy pawprint indicates dog shot and killed his owner

answer: obvilicious.

case 5:

Your life sucks, use our 55% OFF on all our products

answer: TRUE. your life probably does suck, though 55 percent off all their products isn't going to help (oof unless this is an ad for anthropologie, in which case your life probably will get better/you will still be impoverished).

case 6:

It is not necessary to be ashamed of yourself

answer: FALSE.

case 7:

Women like when they are surrendered by a man with big member.

answer: mostly TRUE.

case 8:

Women always accept invitations to bed from hung men.

answer: for me, this is ALWAYS TRUE. different strokes for different folks, so we can't give a generalization here.

case 9:

Women are staring at you because they know what power you've got.

answer: FALSE. they're normally contemplating how to get you to buy them a drink and which one of your friends is more attractive.

case 10:

Even if you are a cleaning-lady you can afford a Submariner SS watch.

answer: I'M NOT SURE. what's a submariner ss watch?

panic in central park.

2009-08-06T10:18:00.003-04:00

some of you may remember the man of my dreams from this video. handsome, brilliant, sleek, musical, ambitious, loving, hardened, indulgent, tireless, reckless, and free are all words that can describe THOTH.

my friends, on july 13th that sense of freedom was taken away from us.

yes, it's true, thoth was arrested in central park for a public disturbance. a statement released by thoth illustrates his pain and how senseless this is:

"Today, I had my feelings hurt, because as much love and goodness as I have given to the park (the many uncounted times I have cleaned up dog poop in the tunnel while cleaning men passed by), they still do not respect the gift of my being there. How could they sanction the arrest of me and Pink Angel? We still have the handcuff burns on our wrists. Who are the real BUMS? "

for any of you who want to join, we will be attending the public hearing for thoth's immediate right to return to performing in the park.

amen.

barackin obamacake

2009-08-05T16:33:00.003-04:00

sorry our posts have been so infrequent, happy august!

we've just been so busy shooting hoops with obama at camp david to celebrate his b-day yesterday. feliz cumples o-town!

we even made him this cake to show our love.
thoughts?

also, just in case you want to keep up with mr. jetset amerika, you can check out his official flickr photostream (michelle and her guns sometimes featured as well).

viva las vegas

2009-07-30T16:44:00.003-04:00

as you may or may not already know or be jealous of, i recently returned from a 4 day all you can drink stint in las vegas. i'd like to share a few of those moments with all of you. even though i'm not the vegas type at all, after having been there, i feel like vegas could potentially be for anyone for 4 days.

top 10 memories of a girls' weekend in the desert:

1. all you can drink complimentary champagne as long as you sit by a slot machine or table
2. wearing my prom dress out on the town like it was any other day
3. wearing said prom dress with friends also dressed like hoochies (the classiest ones!) and learning to play craps with lots of men in the middle of the night and making friends with the dealers and rolling the dice while getting called shooter and winning $200 (way to go annie!)
4. spending 2 days at a very expensive spa - totes worth it
5. running around said spa naked and free since it is *~*ladies only*~*
6. watching naked french canadians fulfill all of our wildest festishes in zumanity
7. a 4-foot long hot pink inflatable penis
8. taking said penis into our bubble bath party in a ridiculously large bathtub (while drinking out of penis straws, obvi)
9. getting $200 comped to our rooms when our sassy accountant complained several times that the rooms were dirty (age, you are my heroine)
10. laughing hysterically for 4 days, making fun of everything/everyone, feeling like we were in high school again (in the good way)

i think this photo encapsulates the sentiment of the trip...

o hai movie: (500) days of summer.

2009-07-29T12:16:00.004-04:00

so the movie i've been waiting to see for six months finally arrived on the streets of new york july 17th: "(500) days of summer." after two viewings and constantly listening to the soundtrack (shout out to the smiths all over that bad boy <3 u 4e morrissey) (500) proved to be worth 180 days of waiting.

not to spoil the film, but the leading characters don't end up together. oof, 'tis a shame for tom (jospeh gordon-levitt) because summer (zooey deschanel) is a fox with fierce street style. newayz, the fact that they split is totes obvilicious -- isn't that the story of 99.9 percent of relationships? for this reason, the movie in many ways isn't about their break up, but rather the reckless road of heartbreak that results in a more mature understanding of love.

i guess i particularly love this film because it doesn't pretend to answer questions that often don't have explanations. why do we meet certain people? why do we fall in and out of love with them? why are we vulnerable in some relationships and throw up walls in other? how can you love and still be unsure? and why is it that when you know, you just know? not to get all "deep thoughts with jack handy" on you, it's simply that the (500) poses a lot of questions about fate, coincidence, indecision, expectation, and certainty in feeling that many movies about relationships don't push. on top of that, it's beautifully filmed + has a post-"i just got.it.ON" dance sequence for the ages.

without saying more, "(500) days of summer" is certainly worth the $12.50 ticket (or whatever cheap ass price all you non-new yorkers are paying). for those of you who can relate to the characters you probably won't find any clarity in the story considering relationships and breakups always fall into a messy gray area. perhaps that's why this movie works so well -- it's about how we get to where we need to be rather than how we neatly end up.

100 posts of fierceness

2009-07-22T17:01:00.002-04:00

that's right. today marks our 100th post aka we've made it in this biz. when tv shows make 100 episodes they get a huge cake made and stick their faces in it on camera. we shall be more dignified, somber even.

in fact, we have a confession to make. on this, our 100th post, we have to tell you that 50% of us has moved to a villa in the 6th borough, the land of non-stop dream vacations and fresh squeezed orange juice. (we are no longer a brooklyn-only operation, for this we apologize.)

apparently it is also the land of the $15 pedicure which i discovered last night and fully support. the neon sign of "design nails" or whatever generic name it was brought me in from the rain. i got to sit on tattered chairs, listen to the harmony of yelling voices in an unidentifiable southeast asian language and look at my pedicurist's amazing sense of style (read: knock-off ed hardy-esque wife beater laced down the middle-gut included-plastic flip flops with a bow and hot pink striped toe nails that she painted herself, and a faded swastika tattoo that looked homemade/prisonmade.) all in all, the pedicure was great and out of 100 colors to choose from, 30 were neon. needless to say, i'll be going back.

mon petit paris

2009-07-16T14:14:00.002-04:00

how did i not find out about this sooner, le gasp!

my little paris - their motto i fully agree with. paris is not just a city, it's an attitude. oui madame.

you can sign up for their free weekly newsletter to satiate the francophile inside you (in english or fracais bien sur). oh, and unlike goop they have a sense of humor.

their little illustrations and free e-cards are oh so cute (wink wink i better have one in my inbox soon).

this week's article: chocolate ogasm. who could disagree?

too depressed for words...

2009-07-14T23:09:00.002-04:00

that i am not drinking absinthe and falling into the seine in celebration on bastille day, but rather, cleaning up mouse poop and eating peanut butter for dinner.

i'll get you next year paris.

i guess things could be worse?

VIVE LA FRANCE

2009-07-13T18:14:00.003-04:00

it is officially french week here at *~* and we are wearing our berets and sipping on champagne to celebrate. ok so basically nothing is new.

as you all should know, france/paris/french men hold a special place in our hearts. so while it is summer and we can wear our striped t-shirts, let us all join in celebration of a truly amazing land.

without further ado, we present a love poem to france.

i love the cheese and sunny breeze
i love le soleil and les musees
j'aime la musique et la nourriture fantasique
i love les boulevards and the small cars
i love les parques and little dogs that bark
j'aime les eglises pas la mise
i love la france et toute la chance, viens danse!

PS: sneak preview of my bastille day outfit tomorrow!

high about the sky.

2009-07-12T21:47:00.001-04:00

strolling across the sea
where exhibitionists breed
to early to see

reason #5364 nyc is bizarre.

2009-07-09T16:08:00.003-04:00

aside from watching men do cocaine off of paper plates in pizza joints, bums dragging cardboard boxes of rocks through the subway, and the often sighted boa constrictor neck scarf, new york city offers another great perk: interesting bathroom occurrences.

the women's bathroom at work is a particularly good place the begin. while women talking on the phone as the person next to them shits is somewhat disturbing, this isn't exactly an experience only new yorkers are privy to. these others, however, are ones that those inhabiting the island feel is okay and normal to do in communal restrooms:

a.) men using women's bathrooms
b.) dye one's hair in the sink
c.) smoke marijuana
d.) shave one's legs in the sink where others put their dishes
f.) hold meetings
g.) sing opera
h.) cry like a small child

while some of these are less weird than others, it just shows how much entitlement this city can really breed (speaking of which, see the goop post below).

ON A SIDE NOTE

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THIS FINE GENTLEMAN WHO I HAVE NOT SEEN BUT CAN CLEARLY APPRECIATE FROM A DISTANCE VIA CRAIGSLIST NYC:

To the hipster girls from Williamsburg. For whatever reason I find it difficult to initiate a conversation with you guys. But all I want to say is that I think you gals are beautiful and attractive and I love the way you guys dress.

there are so many words for this moment.

2009-07-08T09:38:00.002-04:00

tiger woods is the focus of so many lives. with such greatness comes words of strength, wisdom, honor, championship, and passionate love for a man so dear to us. captured at pristine moments in time, here's what some of his fans have to say:

a sticky wet viscous substance

2009-07-07T10:51:00.003-04:00

an open letter:

dear GooP,

you seem to have gotten a lot of flack for your new "lifestyle" website/newsletter/

preachyness. you seem confused why people aren't embracing everything you say with open arms. let me help clarify why.

first of all, your website is called goop, it rhymes with poop. (i get that it's your initials but come on.)

secondly, 99.9% of the world cannot relate to what you're saying. you came from a place of extreme privilege AND you want to tell us why you're the best? that makes people resent/hate/disregard you. i recommend a bite of some vegan humble pie to go with your vegan lunch.

it does seem like you're trying to offer good advice and on some things i really agree with you, but do you have to be so obnoxious and pretentious about it? i think it comes down to the fact that you are completely out of touch with, well, about everything. you grew up in nyc/la with rich/famous parents, were handed everything on a silver spoon and you still bash america? why do you think people are annoyed by you?

let's look at a few examples to help illustrate our point.

1. GO new york. your recommendations (for all cities in fact) are all 5 star restaurants/hotels/owned by mario batali. was it part of your "spain...on the road again" contract to name drop him? we are new yorkers, and we say you are out of touch.
fave quote: "The Bowery has been one of my homes-away-from-home in the last year. It is a very cool spot, with the people to match. As it is located on Bowery I wouldn't recommend it to the Park Avenue set, but my English rock star friends can’t get enough of it."

2. MAKE food. you went on the trip of a lifetime through spain with an amazing chef and got to learn/eat with other amazing chefs and you wont even eat meat? are you insane? how can you consider yourself an authority on food when you eat like a rabbit? your choice is fine, but don't tell us how to eat, you're missing out on the best stuff munching on vegan everything all day. you are also extremely skinny (hey, you're paid to look good) and you're telling us we should do a detox to be like you...oh my. i think you should "nourish your own inner aspect."
fave quote: "I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess. Anyone else? I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring. It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy. It did work, however...He [doctor] actually thinks that the Master Cleanse can be dangerous because the liver is not supported by the nutrients it needs."

3. GET your spring wardrobe. again, these are a bit out of our price range (but props for donating proceeds to charity). at least you have a sense of humor modeling those clothes yourself for your own website (that was ironic right? or is GooP hard up for ca$h?). you also get tons of designer clothes thrown at you for free. so stfu.
fave quote: "I am going back to my day job this spring (filming a movie) and I am confronted with a few wardrobe issues...They are still selling gladiators that are almost identical to the ones I got last spring and there hasn’t been any major shift in silhouettes."

listen GooP, this is coming from a place of love. i actually like some of your movies and agree with some of your points. hey, i even cut my hair like yours in sliding doors. but try not to be so obnoxious. hopefully pointing out some of your ridiculous notions cleared things up for you, well, probably not. you know, forget what i said, just keep rubbing your amazing life in all our poor faces. poop.

bang, bang, bang.

2009-07-05T22:02:00.001-04:00

box of rocks -- why not?
crack open the beer, pound it
down that shit with cake

the perils of pizza

2009-07-03T17:52:00.003-04:00

we should've known something bad was coming when we went to go to a store and the sky opened up upon us and we saw a girl with a huge pizza tattoo on her arm. how could we have ignored these ominous signs of what was to come?

a quartet out in billyburg, we were just searching for some pizza. little did we know that when we entered the pizza place (which shall remain nameless for legal purposes) we would be in "the most illegal" situation we've ever been in as one observer described.

the man working behind the counter, let's call him vinnie(?) served us a piece of pizza. here is what he did in the next 10 minutes in the restaurant (while there were customers and the door was open):

1 cigarette was smoked
1 beer was drunk
1 girl was hit on many times
1 date was offered (only food and wine, no extras)
1 joint was smoked
1 wad of cash was fanned multiple times
1 obnoxious laugh and pound were given to cronies
1 bet was made on random numbers given by us
1 father was insulted, 1 ex-wife was insulted
1 phone call was ignored
1 bag of cocaine was pulled out and snorted off 1 paper plate with 1 plastic straw

every bad stereotype was fulfilled.

i can only hope for this man that 1 continues to be his lucky number, perhaps in his jail cell.

it's been a while since you've purred this sweet surrender.

2009-07-02T17:20:00.004-04:00

although *~*'s anti-nafta agreement has been in effect for a while now, we recently discovered a reason to cross north american boarders (aside from visiting friends on their birthdays and drinking margaritas until the sun don't shine in sexxxico o hai biddies c u in 3 weeks holla @ my gurlz WOT UP!!11!! miss u all KIT). the shameless city of toronto, canada may have redeemed itself with its very own musuem dedicated to....

NARWHALS

yes, yes, yes. OH YES! the narwhal art project is a forum for creative living with pieces inspired *~*exclusively*~* by narwhals. this is so sexy, unfathomable, yet simply beautiful. so those of you mildly allured by the bullshit "visit canada" ads plastered in the media, this should push you over the edge to visit our northern neighbors.

michael jackson: you made heaven a place on earth.

2009-07-01T21:35:00.002-04:00

a little late on the goodbye to michael jackson mystery tour, *~* would like to pay homage to the king of pop. all of you in manhattan/five surrounding boroughs/trashy hos from long island can celebrate the life and times of what mj was really about: getting crunk and making mistakes (love you brit brit).

in other words, see you moonwalking on saturday at the pourhouse's michael jackson pub crawl. here you'll be able to relive the magic of his golden years, perhaps drink to the point where you think five nose jobs is a great use of your newly cashed unemployment checks, OR hook up with someone who has experienced the infamous "michael jackson: how to be both black & white" theory (aka c u there eminem).

newayz, neverland has lost a fine talent and the world has lost one of our most curious citizens.

in memoriam: currently wearing, 1 white glove, currently listening, dirty diana, currently feeling, bloated.

the abcs of the land down under.

2009-06-30T16:59:00.004-04:00

(for the record: this post was written for my work, hence the capitalization and somewhat repetitive themes from the original *~*)

I have a special place in my heart for Latin America. After spending my first placement learning to speak *~*el espanol*~* (among other things) in Peru, I’ve felt a lingering kinship with the continent. So, when I was told I would be spending two weeks in Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgentina this June I felt the excitement of my second home all coming back to me.

In fifth grade poetic fashion, here’s my dedication to the land of dulce de leche, Che Guevara, and way too many empanadas:

A: for effort

This is the outside of P.A. Argentina. The branding was without a doubt the most impressive I’ve seen (sorry Goring by Sea!), but our design team immediately informed me the text was written in the wrong font. For all offices looking to replicate this P.A. kingdom, please use Trade Gothic and NOT Futura.

R:igorous mate drinking

Mate is a caffeinated beverage that is to Argentine’s what Dunkin’ Donuts iced lattes are to Americans. It’s a culture, perfection, lifestyle, and ultimately the drink of choice in Argentina all day, every day. Although I couldn’t get into the bitter taste regardless of how much diet sugar filled the copa, I did enjoy the communal aspect of sipping on a bombilla while relaxing in las pampas.

G:enerous portions of meat

I heard many rumors about Argentina’s vast meat selection, though nothing could prepare me for an actual meal. Normally a faux-vegetarian, I had to give in to the steak. And the pork. And the chicken. And the blood sausage. And every other type of meat whose names I don’t even remember at this point. Meat, like mate, is a religion in Argentina, so its best to leave your vegan inclinations behind (survey says no one from Williamsburg can travel here).

E:uropean flavor

Strolling down the streets of Cordoba was like being in Paris all over again. Okay, so I wouldn’t go that far, but nonetheless Argentina had a very European style. There were big streets with cobblestone and cafes and tables sprawling onto the streets. Waiters even brought carbonated water with coffee! A little slice of Europe for those of us living in the Western (aka bestern) hemisphere.

N:ight time dining

When it comes to eating dinner in Argentina, all I can say is this: by the time most of us are in bed, they’re starting to cook dinner. Get ready for 11pm meals, y’all.

T:alk Spanish to me

Argentine Spanish is a very curious variation on other versions of the language. Instead of the typical pronunciation of double l’s, y’s, or j’s, Argentine’s use a “jaaaa” sound. This doesn’t translate very well written, but believe me it’s both real and beautiful.

I: (couldn’t think of anything for this, sorry.)

N:o, it’s not summer

Contrary to popular belief, summer does not occur between June-August everywhere in the world (New York City included in that at the moment). While this seems obvious to the well-seasoned traveler, some of us forget small nuances every now and then – no mentioning of names. For the FYI, those of you traveling during the Northern Hemisphere’s summer, it will be winter in Argentina so dress warm.

A:lfajores (pls put photo of me with the alfajor over my eye)

Close your eyes.

No, open them so you can read this.

Picture two layers of cake with dulce de leche in the middle. You shall call this is an alfajor aka perfection. This noteworthy part of Argentina is dedicated to my former fellow Program Advisor Jessye Crowe-Rothstein (we miss you!) who harassed me everyday I was gone about trying them. I’m glad she did.

one-eyed snake

2009-06-29T20:06:00.002-04:00

normally, work is pretty boring. although, sometimes you open up a word doc and find this waiting for you, to be translated into many languages.

How would you rate the hardness of your erection?

ERECTION HARDNESS SCALE (EHS)
(Check ONE box)
□ (0) Penis does not enlarge.
□ (1) Penis is larger but not hard.
□ (2) Penis is hard but not hard enough for penetration.
□ (3) Penis is hard enough for penetration but not completely hard.
□ (4) Penis is completely hard and fully rigid.

personally, i'm feeling like a 2.

later in the day i'm scanning a website i like, and see this gem from lewis h.:

Ronald Reagan's robe fell open in front of me and there he was naked as the day he was born.

the end.

bullseye

2009-06-28T11:42:00.001-04:00

targeting the UN

wrap me in winehouse wisdom

2009-06-26T16:55:00.005-04:00

it's finally happened. the *~*fierce and fabulous*~* AMY WINEHOUSE has been drunk in st. lucia for so long and not exaclty working aka scaring other people on the island, that her peeps really need to make some ca$h off of her name. so since she's not really touring or recording, they're releasing wrapping paper with her song lyrics.

pause for amazement at new low of capitalism.

up first: rehab wrapping paper.
second at bat: back to black and you know i'm no good greeting cards.

wouldn't you want to send your parents a heartfelt gift wrapped in this for their anniversay?

ps.com - amy, we love you. come out with a new album soon.

it's a wonderful wednesday.

2009-06-24T14:35:00.002-04:00

per the usual routine, i woke up yesterday morning, turned on my computer, and my servants made me breakfast. as i checked my email i was ever so delighted to see an e-card from the second half of *~* in my inbox. enticed, i clicked the e-love letter and this popped up:

apart from the personal reasons that a one c. mccann would send such a note, this message of brought up frightening memories close to my heart:

while i want you to draw your own conclusions about both the card and video, let me just say this:

a.) writing in caps is a statement
b.) thoth is my husband
c.) there's nothing wrong with believing in either a or b.

an ode to the rain, an ode to the gain, an ode to grains of salt.

2009-06-18T15:53:00.003-04:00

when i originally thought of doing a post this morning, i was going to do my top five least favorite things about argentina. this seemed like a negative theme whose origin i blame on the weather. thus, to brighten things up all around the world (as our visitors come from all over), i'm going to do my top five favorite reasons to come back to new york city:

friends

while this is a reason to come back anywhere, i still feel like it should be noted. seeing the beautiful faces of your homies turf turns bittersweet goodbyes into a welcome back rager. drinking sex on 9th with said friends until you pass out on your kitchen floor makes you wonder why you ever left this place.

red mango

like an old friend, but you can sprinkle graham cracker dust all over it (not like i don't do this already with my lovers, but whatever). i've had this three times in five days and it only gets better. BETTER.

pride

and by pride, let me clarify: boorrinnquueeennn pride. after spending 15 minutes just to cross fifth avenue as three million puetro ricans wore their flag as a cape, i couldn't help but love and hate new york at the same time. welcome back to the city of madness where people can be loud, proud, and stab in the name of whatever they damn well please any day of the week.

freedom

the freedom to free ipod cases provided by peach frog. the freedom to hop subway turnstiles. the freedom to new hair cuts by women from arkansas. the freedom to take an hour lunch break. the freedom to eat mcdonalds and not feel guilty. freedom IS free here!!!!

the subway

ode to the subway:

dearest mta,
you have not yet raised your fare
this is beautiful
and unique
you take me everywhere
i promise not to leave
until the autumn air
for now let's frolic
sip on mimosas
and love everything we share

ps.com thank to you the one and only phil chan for the photo contribution. oh my chicken indeed.

visual poetry

2009-06-15T20:21:00.003-04:00

so kyle turned me on to this website (as a lover of all things language-related).

www.worldle.net

the gist is that you put in a text/blog/website/etc. and it spits out a the words varying in color/size/fabulousness. just go see for yourself.

anyway, here is one for *~* today.

make your own and share!

on a side note, i'm getting more and more frightened/amazed by the second at the sound of the feral cats procreating/fighting. the noise is almost inhuman. blame it on the rain?

italy on my mind

2009-06-08T22:27:00.004-04:00

in honor of international week/two weeks/month/however long i want, i'd like to spotlight italy. a beautiful country, one i've briefly been to, and has stalked me this week for some reason.

let me share.

1. i live in a dominican building in an italian neighborhood complete with gelato, bakeries, boy's clubs where old italian men go to bitch about politics/their wives and homemade mozzarella. georgiana depalma tedone = fierce beast wakes up at 2 a.m. to make her own mozzarella to sell. new york times did a great piece on her <3. wish she was my nonie.

2. one of my favorite italian ice spots opened up for the summer. uncle louie g. the sight of the blue and white striped awning is heaven for me and this new spot near the graham stop on the L is the best. i talk to those old italian men forever when i go there (probably because one gentleman told me i look like grace kelly - which i obvi don't - and told me i have a beautiful name - which i do - but he hoped i wasn't one of those liberal commies!). may i suggest chocolate + lemon or rootbeer.

3. real housewives of new jersey. nuff said.

4. i had to read the new yankee candle catalog being translated into italian. a bit too much information for me and while informative and visual...i'll stop there.

5. lastly, i have to mention berlusconi. madre mia. this man is ridiculous. what are you doing italians?!?! the latest in the berlusconi circus: pictures from a journalist surfaced (after no paper in italy would buy them since berlusconi owns the country) el pais, in spain, published them. check out the article, and by article i mean click on the image of the old man with a huge boner standing over some teenage girls....WOW. he is making the divorce case too easy for his soon-to-be-ex wife.

BONUS
google image search wins again. guess what turned up for italian stallion along with rocky's whole outfit?

argentina: sing me the ways of our love.

2009-06-05T17:26:00.004-04:00

in honor of international week, (holy shit i can´t find the squigglies on this keyboard) half of *-* (NOT THE SAME) has departed to the lowlands of ARGENTINA. because the fans are demanding a top five, here are my first impressions of this cielo sur la tierra:

men

the argentine population has got to be one of the finest equipped genetic armies on the planet. who are you people and how are you all so fine? dark hair, beautiful eyes, incredible hair, bodies of wild stallions, silky hair, and passionate lovers. i am thinking of converting to mormonism so that when i relocate to this breeding ground of america´s next top modelos i can take many a juan, frederico, and consuelo to my wedding chamber and make them my eternal gods of sexiness. i love you all.

food

i can´t even begin to descibe the pleasures of an argentine meal. as a normal faux-vegertarian, i´ve had to abandon my ideals and succumb to the way of the steak. and the chicken. and the pork. and blood sausage. and the ravoli. and the malbec. and the flan. and the dulce de leche. okay, i´ll stop. i´ll see you in 10 pounds, amigos.

beauty

while this should fall under the category of men, the countryside is also quite notable. there´s beautiful tree lined streets, horses parading around las pampas, and small creeks running through the cities. i have already purchased two stallions to bring home for my budding polo career in the hamptons.

tiger woods

okay, he´s not here, but i´ve been thinking about him a lot. i know he´d love argentina.

fierce bitches

the women here are fierce as fuck. i am extremely jealous of their powerful green eyes and ana fashion statements. if this is the mountains of argentina, i´m scared to see what buenos aires beholds.

--

as i enter into the begin at 230 club scene tomorrow, i will keep you posted on how many bottles of wine can be consumed by 8am. chau amores.

you wonder why they call you "old world"

2009-06-03T16:41:00.005-04:00

normally we are all about brooklyn, but since .5% of us is in argentina (pictures/anecdotes to follow) we're keeping it *~*internashunall*~*

in a matter of hours, polls are going to start opening for european parliament elections. um, anyone know what these people actually do? i guess it's kind of a big deal for the eu/ropeans, but it's a nice breather from political attention on the US, aka they will be the ones putting feet in mouths for a few days.

voting hasn't even begun but the scene is already full of racism, resignations and ruckus. according to the bbc, austrians are "deeply suspicious of the eu", france is worried about a "job free-for-all", the "Celtic Tiger" aka ireland (omg i love that) has taken a battering, and ikea (apparently they're speaking for all of sweden) is giving out tips to politicians on diversity.

if you want to find out where you stand in all of this, check out the eu profiler (obvi i put my region as france).

and if you're spanish, you've got some tough decisions ahead. among the clusterfuck of the usual lameo political parties, there are a few obvious faves: the cannabis party, the pirate party, a bunch in regional languages i cannot pronounce or understad, and my personal favorite, the democratic karma party.

in closing, eu, you may be kinda cool and pretty young, but you'll never have barack's fistbump or michelle's guns (amerika is kool again!), so go suck on some non-pasteurized cheese/fromage/queso/formaggio/queijo/Kase/ser/etc. kthxbai.

inspring love stories

2009-06-02T18:07:00.002-04:00

today seemed to be the unofficial day of weird love stories around the globe. i heard 3 in a row. i have been to these places, although sadly, have never experienced these precious moments.

1. frog wedding in india to please the rain gods. the lady frog even got a necklace! i recently watched monsoon wedding, and i have to say, it looks like a lot of fun. without the monsoon, where is the wet sari contest?

2. o romeo...now we can officially get married in that sacred spot in verona where juliet stood on the balcony. kinda makes this seem even more meaningful.

3. dear egypt, you win. a man cut off his member for love. que romantico! he did it in defiance of his parents who wouldn't let him marry some poor chica for love. you show them! i bet they really suffered while you physically cut off your own penis.

just another manic monday

2009-06-01T14:21:00.002-04:00

i always sing that song to myself on mondays...

HAPPY JUNIO!

summer is here, clothes are off. and sometimes you just want to get naked and sing in times square.

what we should look like.

2009-05-28T15:55:00.003-04:00

I want to be what I've always wanted to be: dominant.
- tiger woods

watch out snuggie, there's a new kid in town

2009-05-27T23:24:00.005-04:00

ahhh the snuggie...the blanket with sleeves! that also reminds me of the slanket. basically the same thing. whose heart doesn't warm a bit when they see those infomercials of people freaking out because being under a normal blanket is just too damn barbaric.

well, watch out snuggie/slanket, because summer is coming and there is a new ridiculous amorphous piece of clothing(ish) in town. that's right, wait for it...the WEARABLE TOWEL. we all knew it was coming. face it, who wants to wear a snuggie at the beach in 90 degree heat? $19.95 will get you a red, white or blue (marketing to "patriotic" middle america) wearable towel, worn in tunic style or toga style and a free bag. ohai frat parties.

while it doesn't have the same kind of catchy name (a little effort people), it does have the summer market monopoly, versatility, absorption, and the fact that it can be used as an actual towel laying on the beach for when sheer embarrassment takes over the novelty. and props on riding the snuggie wave.

basically, the wearable blanket beach party is the new snuggie bar crawl. who's with me?

the ultimate night chez vous.

2009-05-26T17:23:00.003-04:00

"life is a party"
- unknown

now that summer is here and we're spending more time socializing and less time running away from the cold (aka sit on my ass at home.com), there are plenty of opportunities to bust out your favorite party tricks. here are a few of *~*'s well classiks for any occasion:

1.) murder mystery

with the right mix of people, this game will light a fire under your ass. for $30, you purchase a box kit of characters, decoration ideas, and recipes to conduct the perfect themed evening. no one knows who each other is at the beginning, and i'm telling you, after nine bottles of wine no one remembers much by the end (please see photographic evidence above). a guaranteed shit storm, leave anyone you care about at home and come ready to play hard.

2.) never have i ever

they say mo' money, mo' problems, so this is a divine freebie for those awkward turtle moments when you've reached a rough patch with a group. basically, everyone puts up five fingers and gets called out on all the things they've done. while it can be an innocent tale of "i've never skydived" or "i've never had a full beer," the game often turns to what gets hot and heavy between two (or more) folks. and for the record, never have i ever had sex in my parent's bed -- that's just nasty.

3.) apples to apples

a mastermind personality game! more than anything, this is a test of if you can read what makes your opponents tick. at heart, it's a non-traditional card game involving nouns and adjectives. ultimately, it can be riot, but again, you need a good group dynamic. aka anyone overly cynical or outwardly rude can bring the morale to an all time low. but i guess that's true in all situations in life.

4.) twister

this is a perfect game to ease sexual tension. you are allowed to lay on top of and touch body parts of your competitors and it's not considered harassment. note: this is not a good for babysitting when you're with two pre-pubescent boys and wearing a mini-skirt. i do not speak from experience.

dia del dia

2009-05-25T22:02:00.003-04:00

first of all, happy memorial day.

second of all, happy staycation.

even though we are such world travelers, sometimes staying in nyc for a 3 day weekend is the thing to do. while there were many activities done (see drunk brunch, bronx zoo, free hot dogs, naked cowboy) by far the best day spent was among friends at dia: beacon.

someone (i want to have US with you SF), planned a lovely day taking advantage of the metro north deals up the hudson. $27.50 got you a round trip train ticket, entrance to the museum and endless giggles with friends. there was also sunshine, mozzarella balls and ducklings. not a bad deal considering that money could be spent on a mediocre lunch in the city (which probably wouldnt include lounging on an oversized couch with the "gang" and breaking into nostalgic songs).

oh, and the art was fun. we highly recommend.

to be balanced, the cons:

-a fart smell (although that's just cause someone was gassy- read too many mozzarella balls/cajun mix)
-rexi hipsters from the city with the same idea
-NO PHOTOGRAPHY, DIA HOW DARE YOU? we brought our cameras and were looking fierce and you had so much open space and bright art IT IS A CRIME TO NOT LET US REVEAL THE FULL POTENTIAL OF OUR FIERCENESS FOR THE WORLD TO SEE

photo: maytal + cajun mix + the hudson river + youthbeautylove

friday night eating and drinking.

2009-05-23T19:06:00.002-04:00

in honor of summer fridays, here's a throw back to two weeks ago when a few of us managed to get out of manhattan to dine in queens. the occasion was hot pot and the result was...well...let's just say be sure to bring some pepto w you.

queen of queens

2009-05-22T16:10:00.002-04:00

in honor of the upcoming long weekend, we bring you a post from beckysaysthat. we always represent the bk, so in honor of everything holy aka this 3 day weekend, we are branching out to other boroughs...

The lovely ladiez of *~* have reached out to me, and asked me to contribute to their blog. WHAT an honor. I might have previously said that I was in a rut, or complained to you about something relating to: the subway, my job, construction on my street, how expensive things are (I’m Jewish)…but instead let me focus on something that I hold very dear to my heart (besides *~*, LOL Catz, H&M and Red Mango):

Queens.

It’s true, Queens is where I rest my hat and the end-o-a-long day. But why live in Queens when there are so many other places I could live (read: BK, BX, Staten Island…am I forgetting something?)?.

1) Cheap
a) rent. That’s right. CHEAPER than BK…and I have my own bathroom!
b) drinks. Top shelf for $5 anyone?
c) food. Still more than anyone else outside of NYC would pay, but still cheaper than anyone else in NYC IS paying.
d) clothes. Tar-get anyone?
e) did you really expect there to be a new thing here? Rent, drinks, food, clothes-what else do you need?!

2) Diversity. Queens County, I heard somewhere…actually…I might have been drunk during that conversation.

3) Royalty. Do I need to explain this?

4) Beer Garden. Astoria had the original beer garden, before Brooklyn had to be all sneaky and get one too (like you don’t already have EVERYTHING Brooklyn. Really. REALLY?!). Well, now we have another one (that’s right, come to Queens and you can double fist beer gardens now…as opposed to just double fisting beers or martinis).

5) Fashion. Oh, don’t be fooled by what you read, or see, or hear…Queens is pretty fashionable. Who do you think gave birth to styles like sweat pants with heels, jeans that are five sizes too small, and track suits with ten pounds of make up? Queens townies, fool!

6) Music. There’s a vibrant music scene in Queens. Not in clubs or anything, but if you walk down the street you’re likely to hear jams coming from monstrously big SUV’s, salsa streaming down from apartment windows, and hot rock from the various pubs that line the blocks. If that’s not a scene, then I don’t know what a scene is!

7) Shopping. Just take a stroll down Steinway St. in Astoria, won’t you? In a three block stretch there are roughly: 20 Payless stores, 1 Claires, 5 Dollar stores, 1 Modells, 1 New York & Company, 1 Express…and that’s just on Steinway street! Queens is so much more than Steinway St.

8) M-E-T-S Mets! Out in Flushing, you know, Citi Field? You might have heard of it…

In conclusion, you know that movie ‘Say Anything’? Well it was based on me and Queens (in particular, that whole ‘holding the stereo above your head thing’).

(if you want to know more about queens, lists and cornify, check out becky's own ramblings here!)

featured friend: phil chan

2009-05-21T16:26:00.003-04:00

we asked, you answered. prima ballerina extraordinaire and dimsum afficianado, phil chan. welcome to your 15 minutes of fame.

2.) who is your thinspiration? Myself when I was 17.
22.) would you rather have two noses or one eye? Two noses - enhanced sense of smell + depth perception would be a blessing from the Gods.
48.) does the week begin on sunday or monday? Technically, Sunday. Mentally, Sunday. Professionally, Monday.
55.) do you believe in vampires? Energy vampires, emotional vampires, yes.
47.) are you addicted to anything? Yes.
33.) has anyone yelled at you on an airplane? I have received catcalls on an airplane, but I doubt that is what you meant.
62.) if you had to choose three colors to dress in for the rest of your life, what would they be? Black, White, and Blue. Oh wait, those are the only colors I own already.
13.) who is your winspiration? Probably the photo of Brandy Chastain when she won the game, and she is on her knees, covered in mud, making a fierce face.
40.) if you could choose between a hairy back or a hairy chest, which would you choose? Chest. I would could pass as "Mediterranean" as opposed to "Neolithic"
10.) if you had a lot of money, what would you do? Probably the act same thing I am doing now, but with less time spent working and better lighting.

stay tuned for more from phil...

the moment we've all been waiting for.

2009-05-20T16:57:00.002-04:00

caitlin and i at fleet week 2008

as a huge fan of all things nautical, oceanic, wavy, and h20 induced, i am happy to announce the beginning of my favorite time of year: fleet week!!!!! it's time for everyone to strip down to their most shameless tankinis, skinny dip wildly in mccaren pool park, and let the men of the sea inundate them completely. if you're not doing all of the above at some point over the next five days, then you're really missing out on a true new york tradition. aka FAIL.

aside from public acts of nautical adoration, living fleet week day-to-day is also the biggest trend coming from the depths of the hudson. to keep the spirit alive all year round, i recommend taking a look at design sponge's "ships ahoy special" with an authentic brooklyn take on how to life your life at sea.

fleet week, we welcome you with open arms!

joyeaux anniversaire!

2009-05-19T16:36:00.004-04:00

la tour eiffel turns 120 today!

it's the tallest building in *~*paris*~* and totes obvi a huge icon of france (even though some parisiens continue to call it an eyesore).

NEWAYZ to the haters. as one time parisian beauties we used to have many a photo shoot by the tower, with cigarettes, baguettes, and overall fierceness.

le sigh.

there are millions of great pics of it, but in celebration of the birth, here is the baby growing up right before our very eyes.

p.s. dear tower, you share your bday with ho chi minh.

i lined up to see him all pickled in vietnam, i tried to stop but the guards smacked me with a stick, so here is someone else's pic.

immodium ode

2009-05-17T22:19:00.008-04:00

since the bird flu persists and our love for mexico never wavers, here is a trio of haikus for your sunday from when montezuma's revenge struck hard. inspired by and written in mexico, 2007.

immodium ode:
montezuma is vengeful
plug me up quickly

i pooped on the bus
quick, fashion me a sarong!
amo mexico

hotel las brisas
poopy underwear on fan
dirty maid had fun

where iz u romeow?

2009-05-16T09:28:00.002-04:00

we are big fans of lolcats and star crossed lovers.

thankfully this has both.

i wonder what shakespeare would think?

to the most beautiful creature on earth.

2009-05-14T17:15:00.002-04:00

ode to starr nelson
who turned 16 yesterday:

dear starr
you are what you are
a dog and a shining light
you are bright
you make this world a delight
you never get into fights
you are like a beautiful soldier
in the night

awkward turtle

2009-05-13T23:01:00.004-04:00

ever have one of those extremely awkward moments where all you can say is "oof"? (see previous word of the day post and video explaining the infamous oof.)

sometimes all you can do is the awkward turtle. for those visual learners out of the loop i'm adding the pictoral.

NEWAYZ

here are some others that probably feel your pain. or maybe don't. some of these people just seem shameless.

2 sites that make me LOL and deserve a big OOF.

http://www.awkwardboners.com/

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

god bless amerika.

tootsy toosday

2009-05-12T16:53:00.001-04:00

somewhere in pittsburgh, a chihuahua is being spoiled...

you show me yours...

2009-05-11T18:01:00.003-04:00

we have created the most revealing survey possible, and we want to hear from you. some of the few and lucky have already received it. send us your answers and see if you make the cut, to be featured right here, on the internets, for all to awe.

of course it's only fair if we show you ours...

2.) who is your thinspiration?

assuredly oprah. is this too mean? i'm just going with my gut (no pun intended).

22.) would you rather have two noses or one eye?

two noses -- double the fun. one eye + one pair of fierce cyclops sunglasses.

48.) does the week begin on sunday or monday?

always monday. ditto, the lord rested on sunday.

55.) do you believe in vampires?

nothing in this world is impossible. only in my brad pitt fantasy dreams.

47.) are you addicted to anything?

charlize theron. teal leather.

33.) has anyone yelled at you on an airplane?

if you're going to join the mile high club, you might as will go enter in loudly. my one bad jetblue experience where the flight attendant said i could get that snack mix myself!

62.) if you had to choose three colors to dress in for the rest of your life, what would they be?

red, green, and brown. basically christmas all year round. OBVI OBVI OBVI.

13.) who is your winspiration?

shirley temple. amy WINehouse.

40.) if you could choose between a hairy back or a hairy chest, which would you choose?

i need a man who like wolverine. hairy chest.

10.) if you had a lot of money, what would you do?

orchestrate my own fireworks display. in the hudson. TWICE. close down the streets of new york and race llamas down them while watching from the top of my elephant drinking champagne.

people are screaming outside.

2009-05-10T23:07:00.002-04:00

"my mom is a bitch"
she commented this tonight
happy mother's day

thank you to a certain returnee from the orients for inspiring this sunday's haiku.

it's a beautiful day!

2009-05-08T17:32:00.002-04:00

to celebrate the onset of summer and our departure from 30 degree weather, may you find yourself doing one of these fine outdoor activities listed above. they were compiled while laying around in central park during the summer of 2008, but stand true today.

dear summer in new york:
i love you

feel the power, feel the pleasure.

2009-05-06T16:13:00.003-04:00

over the past few days, brooklyn has been buzzing with news about the hipster grifter. a certain kari ferrel, a fellow loca rising from the mormon hills of salt lake city, has been caught and the case laid to rest.

for those of you out of the loop, the short version of the dramz is that ms. ferrel made up stories from the left coast to this eastern inferno about her abusive parents, terminal cancer, and stolen identities/bank fraud. she then managed to con peeps out of $60,000 in cold, hard cash. along the way, she GOT.IT.ON. with many a man by passing explicit notes to bartenders at our fave hot spots (i love you union pool) signed "korean abdul jabar." although kari seems as entertaining as any pathological liar, it's probs best for the rest of us hoping to pick up the fine men in williamsburg that she's now behind bars.

a trademark of kari was a giant pheonix tattoo on her chest. this has made me think a lot about my own power animal and what that would be. to get you thinking about yours, you read this glorious ode:

I am the buffalo that thunders
I am the eagle that soars
I am the giraffe majestic against the African sky
I am the elephant who walks in wisdom
I am the tiger tireless in beauty
I am the force that embodies the best and highest that we are
I am pure and raw and unleashed
I am the power of the power animals unleashed upon this world

after taking a walk through the enchanted forest my power animal has turned out to be the zebra. while i'm kind of pissed i didn't get the narwhal, i've done as instructed: taken a deep breath and let the spirit of the zebra fill me.

please reveal your power animals.

oh, and to kari: i think you might be feeling your power animal a little too much.pls tone it down with a messenger pigeon or maybe something like a baby kangaroo.

patria o muerte

2009-05-05T22:32:00.002-04:00

in honor of the oh so holy holiday, cinco de mayo, we present a best of mexico. we have had the pleasure and grace of visiting/living in our fine southern neighbor and tasting a lot of what it has to offer. all in all, you are pretty good mexico, but it's kind of a love/hate thing. on one specific trip, montezuma struck, and he struck hard. please see a recount of this epic tale (complete with amazing photography) here. thanks for the memories and the poetry you inspire.

ok mexico, so even though we've had our ups and downs and you're infecting the world with swine flu, i still love you. to prove my love, i honor thee by a "best things to come out of mexico" list.

-chihuahuas, the land of my beloved tootsy's people. and even if she's not mexican, at least there's a state of chihuahua and a now ridiculous/offensive movie called beverly hills chihuahua
-horchata de chufa
-mariachis
-la mutualista
-gael garcia bernal (ok you too diego luna) and both of you in y tu mama tambien!
-guacamole/mole
-the mexi-mullet
-abuelita hot chocolate
-toks
-lucha libre
-a place for americans to buy cheap things across the border (drugs, clothes, labor, hookers)
-the maya (anyone nostalgic about human sacrifice?)
-cancun, for easing the burden on miami and south padre island as trashy/debaucherous spring break spots for co-eds and mtv
-telenovelas/drama - check out this list!

i could go on for hours on why you are amazing, mexico, friend, lover and frenemy.

te amo.

oh, and for those who appreciate some mexican slang/drama, i give you this.

top bunk.

2009-05-04T17:39:00.003-04:00

as we move further into the recession, there's no better way to honor the recession than this moving video about shopping for ski wear: