immodium ode

since the bird flu persists and our love for mexico never wavers, here is a trio of haikus for your sunday from when montezuma's revenge struck hard. inspired by and written in mexico, 2007.

immodium ode:
montezuma is vengeful
plug me up quickly

i pooped on the bus
quick, fashion me a sarong!
amo mexico

hotel las brisas
poopy underwear on fan
dirty maid had fun

where iz u romeow?

we are big fans of lolcats and star crossed lovers.

thankfully this has both.

i wonder what shakespeare would think?

to the most beautiful creature on earth.

ode to starr nelson
who turned 16 yesterday:

dear starr
you are what you are
a dog and a shining light
you are bright
you make this world a delight
you never get into fights
you are like a beautiful soldier
in the night

awkward turtle

ever have one of those extremely awkward moments where all you can say is "oof"? (see previous word of the day post and video explaining the infamous oof.)

sometimes all you can do is the awkward turtle. for those visual learners out of the loop i'm adding the pictoral.

NEWAYZ

here are some others that probably feel your pain. or maybe don't. some of these people just seem shameless.

2 sites that make me LOL and deserve a big OOF.

http://www.awkwardboners.com/

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/


god bless amerika.

tootsy toosday

somewhere in pittsburgh, a chihuahua is being spoiled...

you show me yours...

we have created the most revealing survey possible, and we want to hear from you. some of the few and lucky have already received it. send us your answers and see if you make the cut, to be featured right here, on the internets, for all to awe.

of course it's only fair if we show you ours...

2.) who is your thinspiration?

assuredly oprah. is this too mean? i'm just going with my gut (no pun intended).

22.) would you rather have two noses or one eye?

two noses -- double the fun. one eye + one pair of fierce cyclops sunglasses.

48.) does the week begin on sunday or monday?

always monday. ditto, the lord rested on sunday.

55.) do you believe in vampires?

nothing in this world is impossible. only in my brad pitt fantasy dreams.

47.) are you addicted to anything?

charlize theron. teal leather.

33.) has anyone yelled at you on an airplane?

if you're going to join the mile high club, you might as will go enter in loudly. my one bad jetblue experience where the flight attendant said i could get that snack mix myself!

62.) if you had to choose three colors to dress in for the rest of your life, what would they be?

red, green, and brown. basically christmas all year round. OBVI OBVI OBVI.

13.) who is your winspiration?

shirley temple. amy WINehouse.

40.) if you could choose between a hairy back or a hairy chest, which would you choose?

i need a man who like wolverine. hairy chest.

10.) if you had a lot of money, what would you do?

orchestrate my own fireworks display. in the hudson. TWICE. close down the streets of new york and race llamas down them while watching from the top of my elephant drinking champagne.

people are screaming outside.

"my mom is a bitch"
she commented this tonight
happy mother's day

thank you to a certain returnee from the orients for inspiring this sunday's haiku.