hitting and stealing.

okayokayokay, enough already!

OBAMA HAS SPOKEN: dear kanye west, you're a jackass.

i was entertained/mildly appalled by senor west's behavior this past sunday at the video music awards and thought he got the condemnation he deserved. regardless of levels of intoxication or ego inflation, the man is an attention whore in addition to being an idiot. as an avid follower of the celebrity/intellectually stimulating blog "oh no they didn't," i've been constantly filtered all the media coverage surrounding the microphone stealing incident: from celebrity tweets to "the view" to jay leno to KANYE'S OWN BLOG (OMG CAPS LOCK STUCK!!111!!) to all those great memes created in the past 72 hours.

yet, in light of a mere 30 seconds that was stolen away from ms. swift, one fellow ontd fan pointed out the following: just months ago chris brown beat the shit out of rhianna; how much celebrity/media vilification went into that? obviously there was shock and some uproar when photos of rhianna's bruised face floated around the internet, but it was nothing compared to this overarching outrage kanye's receiving. you can't even put beating a woman and stealing someone's moment at an awards show in the same category, but if you had to decide which of the two was the greater offense, how is it that taylor swift's victimization outweigh rhianna's physical well-being (and obvi emotional issues since gurlfriend didn't press a single charge against his ass)? what kind of society is this where domestic abuse plays second fiddle to a country singer's acceptance speech being disrupted?

i don't know, shit just seems whack.

ode to love in these special times.

dear readers,

please forgive the lack of updates over the past number of years. we have been busy with our respective to marriages to tiger woods and philip seymour hoffman as well as our dietary fiber addiction. please accept our apologies.

AND THEN ON ANOTHER NOTE

this morning [sic] i was inspired by a skype message sent from the one and only Adu gyamfi love from ghana (land of endless marriage proposals, but no ice to back it up).

adu writes:

Good morning!

...I am Adu gyamfi love from Ghana in the western part of Africa .And new here searching for friends and i just saw you online and i make mind to read your profile and it was nice profile. It was so overwhelmed me to mail you for ask for friendship .I know that true friend is someone who makes u have the total freedom of your Life and there will be many people who will walk in and out in your Life but only the love ones will leave with footprint...Thank you very much , and hoping to hear from you soon . i sincerely apologize if this note offends your good moral justice and ethics.

this charming and emotive message made what was a rainy morning full of agitation towards new york city disappear into warm thoughts of friendship. in addition to this, his note also reminded me of the greatest love letter i have ever received from a man named david. david was hanging out in the purses section of macy's two years ago and wooed me by crying out "nice boots!" we exchanged words for 20 minutes and then parted ways. david is an equally interesting writer and full of life.

david wrote:

Hi Kelsy,

Hi , this is David, I met u in Macys dept. store a few days ago. Thank u for giving me advice of what birthday gift i should buy my married friend. I studied advertising design. I started a design company, but have not made any money with the company yet. I have a business partner in N.Y. My company name is Sciensun Inc. I designed 2 practical products and hope to sell them in tens of thousands of stores accross america. If they are successful i will sell them in all of Asia , Europe and USA and Latin America. I have more products on the drawing board for the future. I was born and raised in NY. I live in Elmhurst Queens now. Do u Have brothers and sisters ? I love dogs. I will definately buy a Golden Retriever or a German Shepherd puppy in the future. Do u have pets ? Do u like animals ? I like dolphins also and horses and girraffes, lions, tigers and salt water aquarium hobby. I paid to swim with a dolphin 4 years ago in Florida. They gave me a crippled dolphin , it swam with a limp fin. The dolphin had a fin cast on. I would like to try bull riding as a challenge to myself. I want to see if i can stay on the bull for more than 8 seconds. Bull riding is in Texas. What fun activities do u enjoy doing ? I like cafes/lounges, amusement parks, bowling, play pool, motorboating. I don't have internet in my house. I would like to take u out next week and talk to get to know each other more. I don't have internet in my house. I use the library computer 1 time a week.
Please call me (347)730-xxxx or e-mail me.

SO MANY MEN, SO LITTLE TIME.

third time's a charm: (mAD men)

i just realized we have hardly discussed one of my obsessions, mad men. basically the best show on tv and my daily inspiration to stay fabulous.

the moment we've all been waiting for has arrived: tonight is the premiere of season 3! set in 60's nyc, mad men does everything right- acting, wardrobe, nostalgia, product placement, humor, ferocity.

it may be called mad men, but i'm normally more taken with the women. these beasts do not get any fiercer. if only i could time travel...



ps- if you're in the new york area and not having your own party (which you're obvi not cause i wasn't invited), they are playing it in times square. if you're even cooler, head down to the roosevelt hotel for a cocktail premiere party/60s costume contest for the best "skirt and suit."

feminism our moms could be proud of

the other day i received a post card in the mail from my alma mater (all girl's catholic high school) asking me to call a toll free number to update my contact info. sure, why not?

a nice man picked up and told me all about this alumni book coming out and proceeded to ask about my upated contact info, address, job, etc. then this:

him: oh, i see you've been out for about 6 years now.

me: oh wow, that seems like a long time.

him: so, have you changed your name? what are your husband and children's names?

me: oof, don't have any of those.

him: oh, i see.

what i SHOULD'VE said: my husband's name is prince william and i am now the duchess of wales. my children's names are maddox, shiloh, bronx, suri and apple.

listen, i got a great education from a school that touted itself as a place for girls to become independent, intelligent women. apparently in this man's eyes i am considered a FAIL because unlike a nice portion of my classmates i am not married and knocked up by one year after college.

apparently all that bra burning of my mother's generation didn't really work. instead, we have the horrors of promise rings (ugh) and 16 & pregnant, which has made some TPT into pseudo-reality-celebutards. (at least the one named catelynn (not the traditional gaelic spelling) had the sense to give hers up for adoption.)

i guess they got the last laugh though, he conned me into donating $70.
but it's all good, i'll take abother $70 and buy myself some champagne in celebration of the fact that i'm not pregnant!

spam: the ways it can get you going.

with the recent phenomenon of e-mail, we have all fallen victim to spam. mostly annoying, sometimes spam mails can turn out to be a wonderful distraction that get you think hard about a variety of topics. here we decide whether spam really does have some validity or if simply is all bullshit:

case 1:

Even the shyest girls like it thick and long.

answer: FALSE. men, you are also expected to groom down there so please don't think it's okay to just let yourself go.

case 2:

one wife is not enough

answer: TRUE. if you think otherwise, clearly the magic of "big love" has not come to your cable provider.

case 3:

do you want to be the only lover for your wife?

answer: men, this will NEVER be possible. we will always picture shaquil o'neal during moments of high sexual passion. always.

case 4:

Muddy pawprint indicates dog shot and killed his owner

answer: obvilicious.

case 5:

Your life sucks, use our 55% OFF on all our products

answer: TRUE. your life probably does suck, though 55 percent off all their products isn't going to help (oof unless this is an ad for anthropologie, in which case your life probably will get better/you will still be impoverished).

case 6:

It is not necessary to be ashamed of yourself

answer: FALSE.

case 7:

Women like when they are surrendered by a man with big member.

answer: mostly TRUE.

case 8:

Women always accept invitations to bed from hung men.

answer: for me, this is ALWAYS TRUE. different strokes for different folks, so we can't give a generalization here.

case 9:

Women are staring at you because they know what power you've got.

answer: FALSE. they're normally contemplating how to get you to buy them a drink and which one of your friends is more attractive.

case 10:

Even if you are a cleaning-lady you can afford a Submariner SS watch.

answer: I'M NOT SURE. what's a submariner ss watch?

panic in central park.

some of you may remember the man of my dreams from this video. handsome, brilliant, sleek, musical, ambitious, loving, hardened, indulgent, tireless, reckless, and free are all words that can describe THOTH.

my friends, on july 13th that sense of freedom was taken away from us.



yes, it's true, thoth was arrested in central park for a public disturbance. a statement released by thoth illustrates his pain and how senseless this is:

"Today, I had my feelings hurt, because as much love and goodness as I have given to the park (the many uncounted times I have cleaned up dog poop in the tunnel while cleaning men passed by), they still do not respect the gift of my being there. How could they sanction the arrest of me and Pink Angel? We still have the handcuff burns on our wrists. Who are the real BUMS? "

for any of you who want to join, we will be attending the public hearing for thoth's immediate right to return to performing in the park.

amen.

barackin obamacake

sorry our posts have been so infrequent, happy august!

we've just been so busy shooting hoops with obama at camp david to celebrate his b-day yesterday. feliz cumples o-town!

we even made him this cake to show our love.
thoughts?

also, just in case you want to keep up with mr. jetset amerika, you can check out his official flickr photostream (michelle and her guns sometimes featured as well).