15. to spruce things up for the whities, they painted the hallway gray and darker gray, a la mental institution
14. i haven't been robbed at gun point...yet
13. stoop party 24/7, DJd by the Acura with the door open parked outside the building
12. cucarachas
11. the dogs incessantly barking and the neighbors screaming "shut up the bitch"
10. dependable blaring stream of salsa/bachata/reggaeton/cumbia
9. because of rent control, we pay 10x more than some of our neighbors
8. no buzzer/doorbell/doorman/peephole
7. bookended by a fish market and an old person's home, across from "boiy krazy sho nuf"
6. the faux super tries to charge us for "holding" our packages, or just hits us up for money
5. if you need something, just "bang on the pipes"
4. the intoxicating aroma of animal pee/stale cigarettes in the hallway
3. a pile of poop outside the neighbor's door
2. toxic levels of carbon monoxide
1. crowbar marks on my front door and a messed up lock, aka someone was trying to rob my @$$
*~*Bonus*~* When the cops came to investigate the attempted robbery, they said, "oh, you live in THAT building, the one where that guy was keeping a sex slave, she was a pretty young girl, you know, like yourself."
photo: neighbors who hate me decided to grab my friend and force him to dance salsa on the street.
Those two are a match made in *~*heaven*~*
ReplyDeletefunny! you know how much i like lists :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you want me to take over your apartment? SOLD.
ReplyDeleteApartment living is the best, no dogs allowed in my building, although we have plenty of pet cucarachas to keep us company!!
ReplyDeleteNice to know your neighbors are not crazy, sure there was a sex slave, but no murders right?