a year in the life.

i always said my 23rd year would be prophetic: as though something amazing would happen that would stick with me 4e. t'would be a year where i was be old enough to know better, but young enough not to care. while part of me wants to go into a dialogue about life lessons and all that crap, i shall simply say 23 was unforgettable -- i wouldn't take a single moment back.

1. ringing in the year with a broken photo booth, roses, being carded for the first time in nyc, and an impromptu photo shoot at foosball central.

2. reconnecting with my roots by being nominated "most likely to get married at 80s prom" (still unsure if this exudes desperation or recklessness)

3. patenting several new dance moves: aka the narwhal, lawn mower and reinventing the charleston.

4. learning a new way to play guess who?: instead of physical characteristics, using personality traits. ps. emma is not angry.

5. drunk brunch aka i <3 essex

7. running into this nightmare at central park

8. being given six days notice before heading to africa for the third time in 2008

9. discovering the beauty of free haircuts

10. christmas with los nelsons

11. cheyenne visiting nyc and the 11 hours and 10 restaurants of madness that sunday.

12. timothy.

13. being paid to visit ghana, toronto, san francisco, and north carolina.

14. spainsh subway invasion (story available upon request)

15. learning about the potent combination of champagne and cupcakes.

16. halloween dressed as a narwhal and dancing with a unicorn (NOT good unicorn vs. evil unicorn)

17. barack obama.

18. fuerza bruta followed by soaked jeans and destroyed phone.

19. murder mystery.

20. falling in love

21. becoming a *~*music video star*~* (story about the smallness of new york also available upon request)

22. new years eve

23. watching jerry springer unfold in person: aka 19 year old drunk girl throwing a bottle of beer and chair at a friend at a party

so 24, you have a lot to live up to. i will miss you 23, you were a year to love.

bright lights and fancy clothes

coney island, 2008.

i thought opposites attract?

here at *~*, we're all about bringing you the greatest, latest, and tasteless news from brooklyn. but, we also broaden our horizons to speak about vespa rides in france, bull fights in mexico, and idiots in california.

exhibit a:



the ignorance of ms. california and her opinion on "opposite marriage" (ps.com: gurl, if you're going to create new terminology at least make that shit clever) speaks for itself in this clip. to all our adoring fans and hordes of visitors who come to *~* daily and need us like snow bunnies skiing down hills of cocaine, we want you to know two things:

a.) we do not believe in the institution of marriage

but

b.) should you want to marry, may you do it with whomever you damn well please (that does NOT go for you elin nordegren)

so ms. california, i don't even know if you have a name, you fail. and you make me sick. sick.

and with that, may we celebrate the fiercest tranny of them all with the wonderful cover of the ballad of our lives.

one another to the other.

if only life played
music suiting our ventures
around each corner

oh, and because you asked, today would be this.

pinguinitos

today is international penguin day.

thanks to my parents' civic pride, i also know that today, the pittsburgh penguins won the first round of the playoffs against philly 4 games to 2, how fitting! (suck it eastern PA).

so go celebrate and watch march of the penguins and/or happy feet, while wearing black and white of course.

from the latter, for your visual pleasure.

oh, and it wouldn't be a true celebration without a penguin joke:

One day, on the way back from having lunch at a Restaurant, Joe and his dad ran across a delivery van, with smoke pouring from under the hood, on the side of the road. The van driver works for the London Zoo. He pleads with Joe and his dad to do him a favor. He offers them £200 to take a truckload of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be there within the hour. Agreeing, Joe and his dad proceeded to load two dozen penguins into their van. Then, off they drive towards the zoo.

An hour later, the delivery driver gets his van fixed and heads off to the zoo to catch up with his delivery. As he's driving down the road, he see's Joe walking down the street with the penguins.
He stops and gets out of the van. In an irate voice he asks, "Hey, Joe. I thought I gave you a £200 to go and take the penguins to the zoo for me?"
"Calm down," Joe says. "I took the penguins to the zoo, but we had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the cinema and then tomorrow I might take them to the circus!"

tacos seem like a good idea at 3am until you drop and break your phone.

caitlin has finally allowed me to post the video of my new favorite people: i don't actually know their names. but, this song has made me do a legit lol multiple times since monday. almost as much as a video of some animal that enjoys to be scratched under its arms.



and for a little brooklyn love.

prayz b 2 mother urth

it has obvi become so hip to be *~*green*~* these days. we are green as grass and will not be outdone by trends.

thus, our 2009 earth day tips on how to stay green in brooklyn:

1. don't bother with paper or plastic, simply slip the desired item into your own purse/american apparel hoodie and quietly exit. (i would make sure there is no metal detector first)
2. poop outside! it makes great fertilizer and saves a flush. (watch out for that poison ivy to wipe)
3. save electricity and only blast the salsa from the radio 3 hours a day - as opposed to your usual 24.
4. cut down on the slave conditions at those rubber plantations, reuse your condom. hey, according to the pope they cause aids anyway.
5. the next war will be fought over water, so take a cue from the local vagabonds and don't shower. you'll save tons of water.
6. hey, while we're at it, hygiene won't save the planet, might as well not flush either.
7. recycle all those pbr cans (or just throw them on the street, because let's face it, inevitably someone will come and recycle it for you).
8. there's no night like garbage night in ny, just make it shopping night!
9. hop on the locavore trend- get out your fishing rod and go fish in the hudson.
10. never underestimate the power of dumpster diving (you win, freegans).

come on people, this is our planet we're talking about. all it takes is a little effort from a lot of people and we can reverse all this global warming, rainforest destruction, icebergs melting extinction of animals, etc. hey, we may even make it to the rapture if we're lucky. cross those green thumbs!

dreams of our fathers and detours from the path.

caitlin demanded that i write a piece about my father rather than post a video of my new boyfriends. while i find it troubling that i cannot share my happiness with the world about men who sing taco bell inspired songs, i shall now pay homage to the real man in my life: el doctor.

i will pay homage in the form of a poem, entitled:

islands of hope, tears of pearl, screams of pain, but new beginnings.

dad,
i love you.

four twenty

every since i was an adolescent and vaguely understood what 4-20 was about (kinda), it always made me laugh a little. it was the cool thing in high school to all do something at 4:20 on 4/20, and by something i mean giggle.

pros and cons of celebrating today?

pro. in ny, you can get everything delivered, even the ganja, even by bike, reducing your carbon footprint. (soooo 2009).

con. kumar is now working for obama after committing suicide on house. another suicidal pothead working in government.

just say no people.

and when there's nothing left to say, run across an innersection.

peek-a-boo, oh you
yes, their french toast was the best
roam now with caution

in honor of how small new york city really is: oof.

much like the classic "totes obvi" we introduced a couple months ago, *~* brings you yet another great vocabulary builder:

oof

after the biggest oof moment of them all today, it seems only appropriate that we define this incredible word on the 18th of april, 2009.

definition:
a sigh of "wow" or "oh shit" or "i didn't expect to run into you!"

or (as it has been experienced)

all aforementioned expressions at the same time.

examples:
person a: "i just realized i only have $37 in my bank account for the next two weeks."
person b: "oof."

person a: "i'm just not that into you."
person b: "oof."

just another day at the office (a la tootsy)

reason #22 why tootsy is the coolest dog ever.

this is her daily routine- BEWARE mailmen of pittsburgh. other than that, she just lays around all day and gets massages and treats from my mom.

without any further ado...

THE TOOTSINATOR.

because today i feel it in the air.

i want to see this movie like no other. mainly because life is perceived through instances of song and dance + i <3 zooey deschanel.



may you come soon july 17th! we are all in need of hope to get us through this endless cold weather.

champagne wishes and california dreams

all these false starts to spring and gloomy weather, all i can think about is 10 sunny days on the west coast.

2 nice thoughts to leave you with.

i heard there was something sexy going on in soho.

guess how much the skirt is and win a date with *~*

after a much delayed opening (hello to the lies of march 2008), topshop's first location in the us was unveiled last week right here in new yawk citay.

i was v excited to experience what i thought would be the britain's fashion mecca in the states. le topshop had so much promise, so much grandeur. i had seen necklaces of birds in cages, fun shoes for all seasons, and unique outfits screaming "envy me." oh my!

but what i felt upon scouting the merchandise and price checking can only be equated to the moment i discovered tiger woods married another woman: pure, utter, traumatizing, and severe disappointment.

as a violently thrifty person (my inner chinese coming out), it shocked me to see $200+ tags on cheaply made dresses designed by a cokehead.

with the urging of a mister s. frommer to visit the men's section for some "eye candy," i was surprised to see their much more appealing than the women's. males of america: there is hope for you!

after analyzing the situation, i came to a few conclusions:

a.) topshop usa is no more than a glorified h&m.
b.) the music selection could be improved.
c.) i am over it.

and with that i trotted over to west broadway and blew far too much money at anthropologie, home of real unattainable fashion.

i spy a full moon tonight.

and with it came
her mighty might.
listening to muzack and quoting songs
that shameless thursday
OH
wrong, wrong, wrong.

101 of 200 sleepless knights.

Locking rhythms to the beat of her heart, changing woman into life
She has danced into the danger zone, when a dancer becomes a dance

It can cut you like a knife, if the gift becomes the fire
On a wire between will and what will be

She's a maniac, maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before

oo la la!

and new york, i hate you more than ever!