the abcs of the land down under.

(for the record: this post was written for my work, hence the capitalization and somewhat repetitive themes from the original *~*)

I have a special place in my heart for Latin America. After spending my first placement learning to speak *~*el espanol*~* (among other things) in Peru, I’ve felt a lingering kinship with the continent. So, when I was told I would be spending two weeks in Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgentina this June I felt the excitement of my second home all coming back to me.

In fifth grade poetic fashion, here’s my dedication to the land of dulce de leche, Che Guevara, and way too many empanadas:

A: for effort

This is the outside of P.A. Argentina. The branding was without a doubt the most impressive I’ve seen (sorry Goring by Sea!), but our design team immediately informed me the text was written in the wrong font. For all offices looking to replicate this P.A. kingdom, please use Trade Gothic and NOT Futura.

R:igorous mate drinking

Mate is a caffeinated beverage that is to Argentine’s what Dunkin’ Donuts iced lattes are to Americans. It’s a culture, perfection, lifestyle, and ultimately the drink of choice in Argentina all day, every day. Although I couldn’t get into the bitter taste regardless of how much diet sugar filled the copa, I did enjoy the communal aspect of sipping on a bombilla while relaxing in las pampas.

G:enerous portions of meat

I heard many rumors about Argentina’s vast meat selection, though nothing could prepare me for an actual meal. Normally a faux-vegetarian, I had to give in to the steak. And the pork. And the chicken. And the blood sausage. And every other type of meat whose names I don’t even remember at this point. Meat, like mate, is a religion in Argentina, so its best to leave your vegan inclinations behind (survey says no one from Williamsburg can travel here).

E:uropean flavor

Strolling down the streets of Cordoba was like being in Paris all over again. Okay, so I wouldn’t go that far, but nonetheless Argentina had a very European style. There were big streets with cobblestone and cafes and tables sprawling onto the streets. Waiters even brought carbonated water with coffee! A little slice of Europe for those of us living in the Western (aka bestern) hemisphere.

N:ight time dining

When it comes to eating dinner in Argentina, all I can say is this: by the time most of us are in bed, they’re starting to cook dinner. Get ready for 11pm meals, y’all.

T:alk Spanish to me

Argentine Spanish is a very curious variation on other versions of the language. Instead of the typical pronunciation of double l’s, y’s, or j’s, Argentine’s use a “jaaaa” sound. This doesn’t translate very well written, but believe me it’s both real and beautiful.

I: (couldn’t think of anything for this, sorry.)

N:o, it’s not summer

Contrary to popular belief, summer does not occur between June-August everywhere in the world (New York City included in that at the moment). While this seems obvious to the well-seasoned traveler, some of us forget small nuances every now and then – no mentioning of names. For the FYI, those of you traveling during the Northern Hemisphere’s summer, it will be winter in Argentina so dress warm.

A:lfajores (pls put photo of me with the alfajor over my eye)

Close your eyes.

No, open them so you can read this.

Picture two layers of cake with dulce de leche in the middle. You shall call this is an alfajor aka perfection. This noteworthy part of Argentina is dedicated to my former fellow Program Advisor Jessye Crowe-Rothstein (we miss you!) who harassed me everyday I was gone about trying them. I’m glad she did.

one-eyed snake

normally, work is pretty boring. although, sometimes you open up a word doc and find this waiting for you, to be translated into many languages.

How would you rate the hardness of your erection?

ERECTION HARDNESS SCALE (EHS)
(Check ONE box)
□ (0) Penis does not enlarge.
□ (1) Penis is larger but not hard.
□ (2) Penis is hard but not hard enough for penetration.
□ (3) Penis is hard enough for penetration but not completely hard.
□ (4) Penis is completely hard and fully rigid.

personally, i'm feeling like a 2.

later in the day i'm scanning a website i like, and see this gem from lewis h.:

Ronald Reagan's robe fell open in front of me and there he was naked as the day he was born.

the end.

bullseye

targeting the UN

wrap me in winehouse wisdom

it's finally happened. the *~*fierce and fabulous*~* AMY WINEHOUSE has been drunk in st. lucia for so long and not exaclty working aka scaring other people on the island, that her peeps really need to make some ca$h off of her name. so since she's not really touring or recording, they're releasing wrapping paper with her song lyrics.


pause for amazement at new low of capitalism.


up first: rehab wrapping paper.
second at bat: back to black and you know i'm no good greeting cards.




wouldn't you want to send your parents a heartfelt gift wrapped in this for their anniversay?

ps.com - amy, we love you. come out with a new album soon.

it's a wonderful wednesday.

per the usual routine, i woke up yesterday morning, turned on my computer, and my servants made me breakfast. as i checked my email i was ever so delighted to see an e-card from the second half of *~* in my inbox. enticed, i clicked the e-love letter and this popped up:


apart from the personal reasons that a one c. mccann would send such a note, this message of brought up frightening memories close to my heart:



while i want you to draw your own conclusions about both the card and video, let me just say this:

a.) writing in caps is a statement
b.) thoth is my husband
c.) there's nothing wrong with believing in either a or b.

an ode to the rain, an ode to the gain, an ode to grains of salt.

when i originally thought of doing a post this morning, i was going to do my top five least favorite things about argentina. this seemed like a negative theme whose origin i blame on the weather. thus, to brighten things up all around the world (as our visitors come from all over), i'm going to do my top five favorite reasons to come back to new york city:

friends

while this is a reason to come back anywhere, i still feel like it should be noted. seeing the beautiful faces of your homies turf turns bittersweet goodbyes into a welcome back rager. drinking sex on 9th with said friends until you pass out on your kitchen floor makes you wonder why you ever left this place.

red mango

like an old friend, but you can sprinkle graham cracker dust all over it (not like i don't do this already with my lovers, but whatever). i've had this three times in five days and it only gets better. BETTER.

pride

and by pride, let me clarify: boorrinnquueeennn pride. after spending 15 minutes just to cross fifth avenue as three million puetro ricans wore their flag as a cape, i couldn't help but love and hate new york at the same time. welcome back to the city of madness where people can be loud, proud, and stab in the name of whatever they damn well please any day of the week.

freedom

the freedom to free ipod cases provided by peach frog. the freedom to hop subway turnstiles. the freedom to new hair cuts by women from arkansas. the freedom to take an hour lunch break. the freedom to eat mcdonalds and not feel guilty. freedom IS free here!!!!

the subway

ode to the subway:

dearest mta,
you have not yet raised your fare
this is beautiful
and unique
you take me everywhere
i promise not to leave
until the autumn air
for now let's frolic
sip on mimosas
and love everything we share

ps.com thank to you the one and only phil chan for the photo contribution. oh my chicken indeed.

visual poetry

so kyle turned me on to this website (as a lover of all things language-related).

www.worldle.net

the gist is that you put in a text/blog/website/etc. and it spits out a the words varying in color/size/fabulousness. just go see for yourself.

anyway, here is one for *~* today.

make your own and share!


on a side note, i'm getting more and more frightened/amazed by the second at the sound of the feral cats procreating/fighting. the noise is almost inhuman. blame it on the rain?

italy on my mind

in honor of international week/two weeks/month/however long i want, i'd like to spotlight italy. a beautiful country, one i've briefly been to, and has stalked me this week for some reason.

let me share.

1. i live in a dominican building in an italian neighborhood complete with gelato, bakeries, boy's clubs where old italian men go to bitch about politics/their wives and homemade mozzarella. georgiana depalma tedone = fierce beast wakes up at 2 a.m. to make her own mozzarella to sell. new york times did a great piece on her <3. wish she was my nonie.

2. one of my favorite italian ice spots opened up for the summer. uncle louie g. the sight of the blue and white striped awning is heaven for me and this new spot near the graham stop on the L is the best. i talk to those old italian men forever when i go there (probably because one gentleman told me i look like grace kelly - which i obvi don't - and told me i have a beautiful name - which i do - but he hoped i wasn't one of those liberal commies!). may i suggest chocolate + lemon or rootbeer.

3. real housewives of new jersey. nuff said.

4. i had to read the new yankee candle catalog being translated into italian. a bit too much information for me and while informative and visual...i'll stop there.

5. lastly, i have to mention berlusconi. madre mia. this man is ridiculous. what are you doing italians?!?! the latest in the berlusconi circus: pictures from a journalist surfaced (after no paper in italy would buy them since berlusconi owns the country) el pais, in spain, published them. check out the article, and by article i mean click on the image of the old man with a huge boner standing over some teenage girls....WOW. he is making the divorce case too easy for his soon-to-be-ex wife.

BONUS
google image search wins again. guess what turned up for italian stallion along with rocky's whole outfit?

argentina: sing me the ways of our love.

in honor of international week, (holy shit i can´t find the squigglies on this keyboard) half of *-* (NOT THE SAME) has departed to the lowlands of ARGENTINA. because the fans are demanding a top five, here are my first impressions of this cielo sur la tierra:

men

the argentine population has got to be one of the finest equipped genetic armies on the planet. who are you people and how are you all so fine? dark hair, beautiful eyes, incredible hair, bodies of wild stallions, silky hair, and passionate lovers. i am thinking of converting to mormonism so that when i relocate to this breeding ground of america´s next top modelos i can take many a juan, frederico, and consuelo to my wedding chamber and make them my eternal gods of sexiness. i love you all.

food

i can´t even begin to descibe the pleasures of an argentine meal. as a normal faux-vegertarian, i´ve had to abandon my ideals and succumb to the way of the steak. and the chicken. and the pork. and blood sausage. and the ravoli. and the malbec. and the flan. and the dulce de leche. okay, i´ll stop. i´ll see you in 10 pounds, amigos.

beauty

while this should fall under the category of men, the countryside is also quite notable. there´s beautiful tree lined streets, horses parading around las pampas, and small creeks running through the cities. i have already purchased two stallions to bring home for my budding polo career in the hamptons.

tiger woods

okay, he´s not here, but i´ve been thinking about him a lot. i know he´d love argentina.

fierce bitches

the women here are fierce as fuck. i am extremely jealous of their powerful green eyes and ana fashion statements. if this is the mountains of argentina, i´m scared to see what buenos aires beholds.

--

as i enter into the begin at 230 club scene tomorrow, i will keep you posted on how many bottles of wine can be consumed by 8am. chau amores.

you wonder why they call you "old world"

normally we are all about brooklyn, but since .5% of us is in argentina (pictures/anecdotes to follow) we're keeping it *~*internashunall*~*

in a matter of hours, polls are going to start opening for european parliament elections. um, anyone know what these people actually do? i guess it's kind of a big deal for the eu/ropeans, but it's a nice breather from political attention on the US, aka they will be the ones putting feet in mouths for a few days.

voting hasn't even begun but the scene is already full of racism, resignations and ruckus. according to the bbc, austrians are "deeply suspicious of the eu", france is worried about a "job free-for-all", the "Celtic Tiger" aka ireland (omg i love that) has taken a battering, and ikea (apparently they're speaking for all of sweden) is giving out tips to politicians on diversity.

if you want to find out where you stand in all of this, check out the eu profiler (obvi i put my region as france).

and if you're spanish, you've got some tough decisions ahead. among the clusterfuck of the usual lameo political parties, there are a few obvious faves: the cannabis party, the pirate party, a bunch in regional languages i cannot pronounce or understad, and my personal favorite, the democratic karma party.

in closing, eu, you may be kinda cool and pretty young, but you'll never have barack's fistbump or michelle's guns (amerika is kool again!), so go suck on some non-pasteurized cheese/fromage/queso/formaggio/queijo/Kase/ser/etc. kthxbai.

inspring love stories

today seemed to be the unofficial day of weird love stories around the globe. i heard 3 in a row. i have been to these places, although sadly, have never experienced these precious moments.

1. frog wedding in india to please the rain gods. the lady frog even got a necklace! i recently watched monsoon wedding, and i have to say, it looks like a lot of fun. without the monsoon, where is the wet sari contest?

2. o romeo...now we can officially get married in that sacred spot in verona where juliet stood on the balcony. kinda makes this seem even more meaningful.

3. dear egypt, you win. a man cut off his member for love. que romantico! he did it in defiance of his parents who wouldn't let him marry some poor chica for love. you show them! i bet they really suffered while you physically cut off your own penis.

just another manic monday

i always sing that song to myself on mondays...

HAPPY JUNIO!

summer is here, clothes are off. and sometimes you just want to get naked and sing in times square.