your march whorescopes

aries

the sign of the ram calls for an exotic months of exploring alternate species. don't squash your flames with an icy lover -- simply use horns, keep steady, and prepare to be straddled.

taurus

samuel l jackson will make a man (or woman) out of you this month. if you drink champagne, slither down the nile, and stay awhile, you could really master some new tricks.

gemini

give fundies a try.

cancer

burlesque is back, and hotter than ever. so ladies, do yourself a favor: buy some red-sequined pasties, throw on some jewelery and long gloves, and learn how to shake what your momma gave you. your man will not be disappointed. even if he thinks "stripper," he will love you all the more for it.

leo

you're a prude, go make out with a random stranger.

virgo

let's face it, we're in a recession. that being said, use this opportunity of businesses going under to build up your lingerie arsenal.

libra

stiletto spy school. their website says it all: fun, excitement, glamour, intrigue. pushing limits, breaking boundaries, bonding with friends old and new, and learning real life skills and lessons that apply from the boardroom to the bedroom.

scorpio

march is the first month of spring and mating season. so stop fighting mother nature and get it on.

sagittarius

oh honey, I know you were drunk and wearing the goggles, but he (they) was just nasty. get to the doctor before you lose your insurance and self respect.

capricorn

slumdog millionaire just sweeped the Oscars. in honor of the subcontinent, go study that kama sutra.

aquarius

go out on a limb and treat yourself to a younger man.

pisces

what you did was shameful, but in the end your lover from another mother will appreciate this new found wisdom.