viva las vegas

as you may or may not already know or be jealous of, i recently returned from a 4 day all you can drink stint in las vegas. i'd like to share a few of those moments with all of you. even though i'm not the vegas type at all, after having been there, i feel like vegas could potentially be for anyone for 4 days.

top 10 memories of a girls' weekend in the desert:

1. all you can drink complimentary champagne as long as you sit by a slot machine or table
2. wearing my prom dress out on the town like it was any other day
3. wearing said prom dress with friends also dressed like hoochies (the classiest ones!) and learning to play craps with lots of men in the middle of the night and making friends with the dealers and rolling the dice while getting called shooter and winning $200 (way to go annie!)
4. spending 2 days at a very expensive spa - totes worth it
5. running around said spa naked and free since it is *~*ladies only*~*
6. watching naked french canadians fulfill all of our wildest festishes in zumanity
7. a 4-foot long hot pink inflatable penis
8. taking said penis into our bubble bath party in a ridiculously large bathtub (while drinking out of penis straws, obvi)
9. getting $200 comped to our rooms when our sassy accountant complained several times that the rooms were dirty (age, you are my heroine)
10. laughing hysterically for 4 days, making fun of everything/everyone, feeling like we were in high school again (in the good way)

i think this photo encapsulates the sentiment of the trip...

o hai movie: (500) days of summer.

so the movie i've been waiting to see for six months finally arrived on the streets of new york july 17th: "(500) days of summer." after two viewings and constantly listening to the soundtrack (shout out to the smiths all over that bad boy <3 u 4e morrissey) (500) proved to be worth 180 days of waiting.

not to spoil the film, but the leading characters don't end up together. oof, 'tis a shame for tom (jospeh gordon-levitt) because summer (zooey deschanel) is a fox with fierce street style. newayz, the fact that they split is totes obvilicious -- isn't that the story of 99.9 percent of relationships? for this reason, the movie in many ways isn't about their break up, but rather the reckless road of heartbreak that results in a more mature understanding of love.

i guess i particularly love this film because it doesn't pretend to answer questions that often don't have explanations. why do we meet certain people? why do we fall in and out of love with them? why are we vulnerable in some relationships and throw up walls in other? how can you love and still be unsure? and why is it that when you know, you just know? not to get all "deep thoughts with jack handy" on you, it's simply that the (500) poses a lot of questions about fate, coincidence, indecision, expectation, and certainty in feeling that many movies about relationships don't push. on top of that, it's beautifully filmed + has a post-"i just got.it.ON" dance sequence for the ages.

without saying more, "(500) days of summer" is certainly worth the $12.50 ticket (or whatever cheap ass price all you non-new yorkers are paying). for those of you who can relate to the characters you probably won't find any clarity in the story considering relationships and breakups always fall into a messy gray area. perhaps that's why this movie works so well -- it's about how we get to where we need to be rather than how we neatly end up.

100 posts of fierceness

that's right. today marks our 100th post aka we've made it in this biz. when tv shows make 100 episodes they get a huge cake made and stick their faces in it on camera. we shall be more dignified, somber even.

in fact, we have a confession to make. on this, our 100th post, we have to tell you that 50% of us has moved to a villa in the 6th borough, the land of non-stop dream vacations and fresh squeezed orange juice. (we are no longer a brooklyn-only operation, for this we apologize.)

apparently it is also the land of the $15 pedicure which i discovered last night and fully support. the neon sign of "design nails" or whatever generic name it was brought me in from the rain. i got to sit on tattered chairs, listen to the harmony of yelling voices in an unidentifiable southeast asian language and look at my pedicurist's amazing sense of style (read: knock-off ed hardy-esque wife beater laced down the middle-gut included-plastic flip flops with a bow and hot pink striped toe nails that she painted herself, and a faded swastika tattoo that looked homemade/prisonmade.) all in all, the pedicure was great and out of 100 colors to choose from, 30 were neon. needless to say, i'll be going back.

mon petit paris

how did i not find out about this sooner, le gasp!

my little paris - their motto i fully agree with. paris is not just a city, it's an attitude. oui madame.

you can sign up for their free weekly newsletter to satiate the francophile inside you (in english or fracais bien sur). oh, and unlike goop they have a sense of humor.

their little illustrations and free e-cards are oh so cute (wink wink i better have one in my inbox soon).

this week's article: chocolate ogasm. who could disagree?

too depressed for words...

that i am not drinking absinthe and falling into the seine in celebration on bastille day, but rather, cleaning up mouse poop and eating peanut butter for dinner.

i'll get you next year paris.

i guess things could be worse?

VIVE LA FRANCE

it is officially french week here at *~* and we are wearing our berets and sipping on champagne to celebrate. ok so basically nothing is new.

as you all should know, france/paris/french men hold a special place in our hearts. so while it is summer and we can wear our striped t-shirts, let us all join in celebration of a truly amazing land.

without further ado, we present a love poem to france.

i love the cheese and sunny breeze
i love le soleil and les musees
j'aime la musique et la nourriture fantasique
i love les boulevards and the small cars
i love les parques and little dogs that bark
j'aime les eglises pas la mise
i love la france et toute la chance, viens danse!


PS: sneak preview of my bastille day outfit tomorrow!

high about the sky.

strolling across the sea
where exhibitionists breed
to early to see

reason #5364 nyc is bizarre.

aside from watching men do cocaine off of paper plates in pizza joints, bums dragging cardboard boxes of rocks through the subway, and the often sighted boa constrictor neck scarf, new york city offers another great perk: interesting bathroom occurrences.

the women's bathroom at work is a particularly good place the begin. while women talking on the phone as the person next to them shits is somewhat disturbing, this isn't exactly an experience only new yorkers are privy to. these others, however, are ones that those inhabiting the island feel is okay and normal to do in communal restrooms:

a.) men using women's bathrooms
b.) dye one's hair in the sink
c.) smoke marijuana
d.) shave one's legs in the sink where others put their dishes
f.) hold meetings
g.) sing opera
h.) cry like a small child

while some of these are less weird than others, it just shows how much entitlement this city can really breed (speaking of which, see the goop post below).

ON A SIDE NOTE

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THIS FINE GENTLEMAN WHO I HAVE NOT SEEN BUT CAN CLEARLY APPRECIATE FROM A DISTANCE VIA CRAIGSLIST NYC:

To the hipster girls from Williamsburg. For whatever reason I find it difficult to initiate a conversation with you guys. But all I want to say is that I think you gals are beautiful and attractive and I love the way you guys dress.

there are so many words for this moment.

tiger woods is the focus of so many lives. with such greatness comes words of strength, wisdom, honor, championship, and passionate love for a man so dear to us. captured at pristine moments in time, here's what some of his fans have to say:

a sticky wet viscous substance

an open letter:

dear GooP,

you seem to have gotten a lot of flack for your new "lifestyle" website/newsletter/

preachyness. you seem confused why people aren't embracing everything you say with open arms. let me help clarify why.

first of all, your website is called goop, it rhymes with poop. (i get that it's your initials but come on.)

secondly, 99.9% of the world cannot relate to what you're saying. you came from a place of extreme privilege AND you want to tell us why you're the best? that makes people resent/hate/disregard you. i recommend a bite of some vegan humble pie to go with your vegan lunch.

it does seem like you're trying to offer good advice and on some things i really agree with you, but do you have to be so obnoxious and pretentious about it? i think it comes down to the fact that you are completely out of touch with, well, about everything. you grew up in nyc/la with rich/famous parents, were handed everything on a silver spoon and you still bash america? why do you think people are annoyed by you?

let's look at a few examples to help illustrate our point.

1. GO new york. your recommendations (for all cities in fact) are all 5 star restaurants/hotels/owned by mario batali. was it part of your "spain...on the road again" contract to name drop him? we are new yorkers, and we say you are out of touch.
fave quote: "The Bowery has been one of my homes-away-from-home in the last year. It is a very cool spot, with the people to match. As it is located on Bowery I wouldn't recommend it to the Park Avenue set, but my English rock star friends can’t get enough of it."

2. MAKE food. you went on the trip of a lifetime through spain with an amazing chef and got to learn/eat with other amazing chefs and you wont even eat meat? are you insane? how can you consider yourself an authority on food when you eat like a rabbit? your choice is fine, but don't tell us how to eat, you're missing out on the best stuff munching on vegan everything all day. you are also extremely skinny (hey, you're paid to look good) and you're telling us we should do a detox to be like you...oh my. i think you should "nourish your own inner aspect."
fave quote: "I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess. Anyone else? I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring. It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy. It did work, however...He [doctor] actually thinks that the Master Cleanse can be dangerous because the liver is not supported by the nutrients it needs."

3. GET your spring wardrobe. again, these are a bit out of our price range (but props for donating proceeds to charity). at least you have a sense of humor modeling those clothes yourself for your own website (that was ironic right? or is GooP hard up for ca$h?). you also get tons of designer clothes thrown at you for free. so stfu.
fave quote: "I am going back to my day job this spring (filming a movie) and I am confronted with a few wardrobe issues...They are still selling gladiators that are almost identical to the ones I got last spring and there hasn’t been any major shift in silhouettes."

listen GooP, this is coming from a place of love. i actually like some of your movies and agree with some of your points. hey, i even cut my hair like yours in sliding doors. but try not to be so obnoxious. hopefully pointing out some of your ridiculous notions cleared things up for you, well, probably not. you know, forget what i said, just keep rubbing your amazing life in all our poor faces. poop.

bang, bang, bang.

box of rocks -- why not?
crack open the beer, pound it
down that shit with cake

the perils of pizza

we should've known something bad was coming when we went to go to a store and the sky opened up upon us and we saw a girl with a huge pizza tattoo on her arm. how could we have ignored these ominous signs of what was to come?

a quartet out in billyburg, we were just searching for some pizza. little did we know that when we entered the pizza place (which shall remain nameless for legal purposes) we would be in "the most illegal" situation we've ever been in as one observer described.

the man working behind the counter, let's call him vinnie(?) served us a piece of pizza. here is what he did in the next 10 minutes in the restaurant (while there were customers and the door was open):

1 cigarette was smoked
1 beer was drunk
1 girl was hit on many times
1 date was offered (only food and wine, no extras)
1 joint was smoked
1 wad of cash was fanned multiple times
1 obnoxious laugh and pound were given to cronies
1 bet was made on random numbers given by us
1 father was insulted, 1 ex-wife was insulted
1 phone call was ignored
1 bag of cocaine was pulled out and snorted off 1 paper plate with 1 plastic straw

every bad stereotype was fulfilled.

i can only hope for this man that 1 continues to be his lucky number, perhaps in his jail cell.

it's been a while since you've purred this sweet surrender.

although *~*'s anti-nafta agreement has been in effect for a while now, we recently discovered a reason to cross north american boarders (aside from visiting friends on their birthdays and drinking margaritas until the sun don't shine in sexxxico o hai biddies c u in 3 weeks holla @ my gurlz WOT UP!!11!! miss u all KIT). the shameless city of toronto, canada may have redeemed itself with its very own musuem dedicated to....

NARWHALS

yes, yes, yes. OH YES! the narwhal art project is a forum for creative living with pieces inspired *~*exclusively*~* by narwhals. this is so sexy, unfathomable, yet simply beautiful. so those of you mildly allured by the bullshit "visit canada" ads plastered in the media, this should push you over the edge to visit our northern neighbors.

michael jackson: you made heaven a place on earth.

a little late on the goodbye to michael jackson mystery tour, *~* would like to pay homage to the king of pop. all of you in manhattan/five surrounding boroughs/trashy hos from long island can celebrate the life and times of what mj was really about: getting crunk and making mistakes (love you brit brit).

in other words, see you moonwalking on saturday at the pourhouse's michael jackson pub crawl. here you'll be able to relive the magic of his golden years, perhaps drink to the point where you think five nose jobs is a great use of your newly cashed unemployment checks, OR hook up with someone who has experienced the infamous "michael jackson: how to be both black & white" theory (aka c u there eminem).

newayz, neverland has lost a fine talent and the world has lost one of our most curious citizens.

in memoriam: currently wearing, 1 white glove, currently listening, dirty diana, currently feeling, bloated.